My ex-boyfriend of five years and I were young and immature when we started dating. We’d go on spontaneous adventures. No one else mattered. We fell in love.

However, he was a troublemaker, and my family didn't enjoy him. Each year, we fought more and our problems were never fixed. We were on and off a lot, but I never wanted to be without him.

We always wanted to try and make things work again. But our relationship was toxic and I knew I had to get away.

Three months ago, I finally blocked all contact with him so I could move on. I always wished we’d met when we were older and more mature.

He's the only guy that made me feel alive.

I'm in a new relationship and this man’s very kind. I may’ve rushed in too soon, because I miss my ex very much.

I always get the urge to contact him and tell him how I feel.

Still Confused

Yes, you’ve rushed into another relationship too soon.

And sorry, but this IS five years later and you haven’t yet developed the mature insight to understand why you miss an ex-boyfriend with whom you always fought.

It was the drama. Young people love to be in love against the odds. Parental opposition, the swings from high adventures to deep hurts, two against the world. Those are clichés from the emotional playbook of first love.

It didn’t work. Not just because you were both immature, but also because you didn’t grow as individuals while you were together.

You still need to do that, personally, before becoming enmeshed with someone else. Focus on your own goals, and reach for your own accomplishments. Then, you’ll know how to work at the right relationship when it comes along.

I'm 29, on the brink of a second divorce; my first marriage lasted but a few months when I left.

I later met this man, from whom I'm separated after two years married, having dated a year prior.

I had a lot of insecurity and trust issues with this man, also was depressed from a miscarriage at four-months pregnant.

He became selfish and distant. He kept lying to me, kept serious things from me, became very controlling, and manipulating.

Soon after, I was abused by him physically and mentally but got the courage to involve police and leave.

I left my job and our home and live with my family. I’m very embarrassed and humiliated because of him. I want counseling but can't afford it.

My family constantly blames me. There’s minimal support from them and my friends. We’re going through a bad divorce.

I don't know how to cope with all of this. It's getting worse daily. What are the necessary steps to move forward?

Picking Up Pieces

Physical and mental abuse are huge valid reasons for divorce. You’re NOT to blame for leaving, and you’ve shown both courage and determination.

You will move forward, but need to shuck or ignore some of the people dragging you down.

I strongly urge you to find a women’s counselling centre in your area.

Most large cities have them, or have community agency or YWCA social workers who can refer you to what you need, which is personal counselling based on what’s affordable to you.

They can also refer you to a support group for abused women, and direct you to a family court clinic for some legal advice regarding the divorce.

Me and my best friend always hang out after school and walk with each other. But she’s now in a different Grade Six class with our other two best friends (one’s still close to me).

They’re always saying how much fun they’re having. My BFF’s starting to walk with other friends (popular) and going ahead of me when I wait for her.

What do I do or say? Should I leave her or stay with her?

Need Help

Pre-teen friendships can be intense lessons, even when confusing.

Show your own confidence and smarts – smile at your once-BFF, then walk with someone else. Don’t be mean or angry, and don’t act rejected.

It’s normal that she’d get closer to people in her class, just as you can.

If you do this without obsessing on it, you’ll handle all your friendships better, and leave it open for you two to re-connect in the future.