Years ago, when I married, I had a good corporate job that I enjoyed. My wife also has a good career, and between the two of us, we made a very good income. We had two children, and my wife took maternity leave for both. But shortly after our second child was born, I was laid off. I got a good package and took some time looking for something new.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anything that suited. While I was off work, I leaned into my parenting role and became the primary parent who was available to drive our kids to and from school and to all their sports practices. I really enjoyed my time with the kids, and I ended up being roped into all sorts of school events, which I also enjoyed.

Somehow, those years rolled into each other; I stopped looking for work as intensely as I had originally; and now I find myself at a bit of a loose end. My children have both grown and flown, and my commitments have waned as a result. I’m still happy to help at their old alma maters, but…. I need my own life.

What do I do?

Past it

I suggest speaking with a professional life coach. They can help you see where your interests line up with your skill set, your education and your experience in the work force. Once you figure out what you’d like to do, you can start looking in the right direction and get your name out there.

This is your time. Take advantage of it.

I need help. My teenage daughter lies more than she tells the truth. She lies so much that she can’t even keep track of her lies.

It took us awhile to figure it out but my ex-wife and I have now come together on this issue. It started about two years ago, about two years after we divorced. Our divorce wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t awful either. We did our best to protect the children and thought we had done a decent job. Our son seems fine and well adjusted, as did our daughter.

At first, she would tell me things, and she would tell my wife different things, but we weren’t comparing notes, so we didn’t realize the discrepancy. It was only about a year ago that things started to emerge and we started piecing the puzzle.

For example, on a weekend where our daughter was with me, she asked to sleep at a friend’s. Of course, I said yes and dropped her off. But in the morning, my ex-wife called to ask if she could pick her up. I said sure and gave her the address. My ex arrived earlier than I had initially planned, only to find both girls not home. Subsequently, both were grounded.

The lying ramped up from there, but now my ex and I were working together. But we’re still having trouble getting her to stop lying completely. Do you have any ideas?

Deceptive Daughter

My first thought was attention-seeking. Often, children who seek attention go to extreme lengths to get that attention, often through lying and creating drama.

But I recently read an article about the correlation between the lack of executive functioning skills and lying, in teenagers. It’s a coping mechanism. Has your daughter been tested for any learning disabilities?

A study by Curtis, Hart and Talwar was recently published which focused on understanding lying behaviour. The study, Executive Functioning and Pathological Lying in Adolescence: Examining Prevalence and Etiology, helps explain the correlation between executive functioning skills and pathological lying.

This may help you understand your daughter and get her the help she needs. Either way, it’s important that you and your ex-wife show that you’re on the same page: that you care for her and are committed to putting in the time to help her through this difficult period. She may also benefit from talking to a therapist.

FEEDBACK Regarding the frugal wife (Jan. 22)
Reader – “My wife and I had a very different response to your advice. Having raised three children, we tried, within our individual abilities, to BOTH be hands on with them.

“As to whose head should be examined, we wonder if it is hers, for staying with him.”

Reader #2 – “Clearly this husband is leaving ALL the family responsibilities to his wife. They both work yet it appears that she looks after everything in their family’s day-to-day life. She does NOT have time to look after herself the way she used to.”