I’m 23, my boyfriend of five years is 28; my mom says I treat him like a baby, making him lunches for work, booking his appointments, etc. I’m in school so I have time. 

However, sometimes, he’ll say I’m giving him attitude about his having to stay at work late, and he’ll lose it on me. He’ll swear and yell, punch walls or the car (denting mine once). He’ll say I’m crazy, that he’s never been so angry at anyone. He’s frightening when he’s mad.

He always blames me that he gets so out of control. One false move on my part and he says I cause him to feel guilty all the time, which makes him mad.

He attacks my personality and confidence. We never have small fights - it’s either perfect or he gets out of control.

He says it’s my issue and I need to solve the problem.

I’m feeling so deflated, and like I may be missing out on meeting someone who really appreciates and respects me, someone who doesn’t yell at me like they hate me.

Should this relationship end?

- Under Siege

Get away, fast, from this ticking time bomb. 

For now, it’s yelling, soon it can easily be striking at you, instead of at walls.

Your Mom’s onto something – his emotional stability IS “like a baby” and your indulgence of him has allowed him to use irrational anger to control you.

Have your mother help you to plan a day to pack up and leave when he’s absent. Leave a note, telling him that you’ve found the solution to your part of the problem between you, and now he needs to deal with his problems of an explosive temper, blaming, poor anger management, etc.

Insist that he not try to contact you for several months, at least until he can prove that he’s had some professional counselling.

Consider your safety and don’t give in to meeting him alone anywhere.

Give yourself some time to settle from all this upheaval (and years of walking on eggshells) before you start dating anyone again.

When I mention to certain friends that I’ve been interviewing for jobs, their first question is, “what’s the salary?” It comes mostly from female friends, some in the same business; some not. 

I’m always caught off guard by the brazenness, and also think it’s incredibly tacky.

I don’t buy that they may not realize that the question’s intrusive or maybe they’re looking to apply, too. Ask me about something I bought on sale at a retail store, that’s fine; but it’s none of your business what I earn or how much a job that I’m after is paying.

I don’t think it’s anything to lose a friend over but how should I respond, and diplomatically say it’s none of their business?

And, why do people do this?

- My Business

Why people ask: 1) Natural curiosity; 2) Nosiness; 3) Because you’ve answered other personal questions. 

Even when friends brag about the bargains they buy, it opens the door to other questions about money – how it’s spent is no more interesting than how it’s gained. Practice discretion. Start to keep all personal matters more personal.

If you’ve yakked freely about relationship troubles, or workplace gossip, you’ve already encouraged interest in your “stories,” and that extends to what salary you’re seeking.

Once you’ve raised the bar higher on privacy, it’s easy (and consistent) to respond to any intrusive question this way: “That’s a private matter.”

My ex (four months dating) forced me to dump him, against my wishes. Later, I learned he’d cheated three times the week before I dumped him. I was heartbroken from losing him. 

We started talking again (just as friends… although he doesn’t treat me very well); now I can’t stop thinking about him.

We have the same group of friends so I see him a lot. He’s the best guy I’ve ever dated, so I asked to try again, but he said he can’t.

What should I do?

- Stuck

If this is the best guy you’ve dated – a cheater, who treats you badly even as a friend – your judgment and self-image are both in the dumps. 

Worse, you don’t value yourself highly enough to learn from this shabby experience and ignore the jerk.

Straighten your spine and demand more from a relationship, never again accepting so little respect.