I met him online last year. We’re both in our 20s. Things were fine until I realized he doesn’t have a job, and lives with his mother without paying a share of the rent and bills.
He said he’d once had a good-paying job, and his own apartment. His father had abused and left his mother, so he’d been helping her out as well.
But he hung around the wrong people, was sometimes late for work, and fired.
He says he’s still a broken man.
He says his mother knows that if she were struggling monetarily, he’d find work
But he also says he only WANTS a job that's worth it in pay and that'll make him happy.
Well who doesn't want that? But sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do…
Then there’s his stubbornness and temper. If I raise something he doesn't want to discuss, he'll say, “Maybe you're over-thinking it.”
Or, if it's a touchy subject, he'll stop messaging me, and later explain that when he feels he’s being attacked he'd rather leave the situation than take it out on me.
His focus is his art and writing, more than looking for a job. (I'm trying to do the same thing, but while working).
What questions should I be asking? We live in two different states, so he's talking about visiting me this summer.
He also mentioned looking to see if he’d want to move here soon.
Is He Worth It?
He’s in no position for you to plan a future with him, nor even to continue such an involved present.
Take a break from this too-intense and frequent communication.
He’s drawn you into his personal drama, filled with excuses and poor-me-history, rather than develop an equal connection. It’s mostly about him.
Ask: How will he pay for travel to visit you, and for sharing expenses if he stays with you?
Currently, he’s leaning on you emotionally, just as he leans on his mother financially.
If he truly feels “broken,” he needs mental health help, which is accessible through community and/or hospital clinics and agencies, or starting with his doctor.
But you cannot “fix” him. He needs to do that work himself.
Take a three-months break from his “story,” insisting that he makes positive changes before contacting you again.
I’m 70, and love my part-time job.
My husband, 80, retired, wants me to quit. He has no hobbies beyond gardening and reading, and doesn’t like to go out at all.
I stay sane because I’m working and have outside interests.
His only interest is to visit family in Europe. But I normally can't leave work for that long.
For our 50th Wedding Anniversary, our children have bought us tickets for Europe for one month.
My boss was supportive and said I wouldn’t lose my job. My co-worker seemed supportive.
Yet I feel very guilty and upset that I’ve let everyone down.
It’s anxiety you’re feeling, fearing that this time away will still affect your job security.
Your co-worker may need some assurance that she won’t be left carrying a much-heavier load.
Reminding your boss of your date of departure, well ahead, might make his finding a temporary replacement easier.
If there’s extra work you can do ahead to keep both your boss and colleague aware of your value to the company, fit in what you can (without exhausting yourself before the trip).
I look at women’s feet before I even look up at them.
I love seeing those white soles showing when I see girls walking in flip-flops. Even the sound of them turns me on a little.
I love beautiful feet. I do have control over my feelings but sometimes I don't.
I love seeing those beautifully pedicured toes with toe rings and ankle bracelets.
I just stare at those feet to the point where I get caught looking at them and get teased.
The Joy of Feet
You have a foot fetish, the most common of all sexual fetishes. There are web sites and chat groups directed to foot fetishists.
But for others, having their feet stared at, or finding someone’s turned on by their feet, it feels creepy.
If someone touches another person’s feet for sexual stimulation of any kind, without consent, it qualifies as sexual assault.
So keep control over your staring as well as your reactions.
Tip of the day:
Too many personality red flags show the need for taking a break from a would-be partner’s drama.