I’ve found the girl of my dreams; we’ve been living together for several years. For months, I’ve been thinking about proposing. But it seems like a formality, given our situation, and having already discussed being together forever.
Even if I did propose, it wouldn’t change things, especially given a wedding would be a year away anyways. I’m at a loss on the ring front. I’m a graduate student, essentially broke, but have some savings. I have no clue on how much to spend. And she has considerable debt from school.
I’m wondering: If the ring and proposing is about our future together, would it be better for us to put any money I’d spend toward her loans? That’d help put us on a solid foundation for a future together.
- Thinking Ahead

I picture the moment: “Honey, here’s a cheque towards your loan and a promissory note that one day we’ll marry. I had it legally notarized specially for you.”
If your girlfriend’s as practical and unromantic as you sound, she’ll love it. Otherwise, stop dithering and delaying and propose.
A simple engagement ring (a single, small solitaire diamond can be found for well under $1,000 on sale) will be a public expression of your commitment, beyond words and bank balances.
She’s been managing her debt so far, while being engaged will add a new, richer dimension to your relationship. If she IS ultra-practical, discuss the ring choice with her . . . after proposing.

My husband and I dated between Canada and Australia for several years before marrying. When we met, he’d recently ended a relationship for which he’d left his 20-year marriage. He’d been depressed which I attributed to his break-up.
Now, he’s been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety disorder that he’s apparently suffered for years. He’s on medication and seeing a psychologist, but extremely moody and volatile. He’s thrown things.
He’s late-50’s, still blames much on his childhood. He sometimes says he’d be better off alone, that once I secure a job and permanent residency, he’ll divorce me. Later, he’ll apologize and beg me to stay. He makes me feel insecure and nervous.
I want to help him, but how much must I sacrifice until I lose my own mental health? Sometimes, I feel so dejected, so guilty. He says I’m manipulative, controlling; I’ve had to call the police for guidance when he’s barricaded himself in a room crying.
I left a very good job and sold my home. I wanted to start a life with him. I’m so alone now and don’t want to resent him. But if we can’t live happily ever after, how can I possibly start over again?
- Distraught

Look for direction from your own heart as well as your husband’s psychologist. Without breaching confidentiality, he/she can tell you, in general, what to expect long-term from this kind of condition. Your gut reaction to the information will help you decide your next move.
Since you haven’t shared a long life through each other’s crises, you may be more inclined towards self-preservation than sticking it through.
As well, if there’s escalating moods of violence or utter despair, it may be more than you can handle. Assess the love you felt when you married him: if it was only for the “happy” part, you lack the inner resolve to stay.
Discuss with his therapist how to safely discuss this with Hubby. And, since he’s the one struggling with illness, he deserves some time and help preparing him for being on his own again.

I’m on mandatory bed-rest during my pregnancy. My mother regularly helps with cleaning and cooking. However, I’ve found her going through drawers and rearranging things.
My husband and I have no scandalous secrets, but I feel my privacy’s being invaded. I’m not mobile enough to follow her around.
My mom always snooped through my belongings when I grew up. How do I deal with this? When I confront her, she argues back. I don't have energy for fighting now.
- Annoyed

You need Mom’s help and she apparently believes she’s being “useful” by organizing your things. While she’s wrong to snoop, she doesn’t get that it’s intrusive even to tidy private spaces.
For now, let it go. When you’re back on your feet, she won’t be around so much. And you’ll have the energy to tell her firmly – no arguing – that this is a boundary that she cannot cross again.