I've been in a same sex relationship for two years; he’s never officially acknowledged his homosexuality to his parents (only child). I acknowledged my sexuality in my early 20's (40 now).
I’d like to build a life together, including living together. We both own our own homes but I’ve been spending more time at his.
I’ve met his parents, they’re aware I’m a friend but he shuts down when I raise the topic of our moving forward.
I appreciate that coming out is a personal decision and experience but I’m left feeling he’d be content to maintain the status quo, which leaves me in limbo.
Am I being unreasonable?
- Frustrated
Coming out is not only personal but can also be terrifying. Until he faces his fears – perhaps his parents will never treat him the same way, or that they’ll feel deep hurt – he’s not going to cross that barrier.
If he’s truly committed to the relationship AND to its going forward, he needs a professional therapist experienced with gay clients, to work through how to come out to his parents.
But if he’s more committed to maintaining the picture of two male friends living separately, you have to decide if it’s a compromise you can accept, or not enough for your needs.
This past year, I’ve been with five guys. I felt like I fell “in love” with each one, and felt they had genuine feelings for me too. However, I always find out that all these guys wanted was sex.
I slept with two of them before finding out they never liked me at all. They don’t talk to me, though I see them everyday.
Two more admitted after the first month, that they don’t want a relationship with me.
Why didn’t I know that before?
I’m flirty, but I'm not promiscuous. Am I sending off the wrong signals to the wrong guys?
I’m afraid that the same thing may be happening with the man I’m now with. I get paranoid about who he hangs out with. Is this because of my past that I get so worried that he’ll leave me?
- Sad and Confused
You’ve been bouncing from man to man and bed to bed without thinking, nor asking questions about their sudden, hot interest in you, nor looking for any sign of respect. That may not seem promiscuous to you, but to a guy, it sure looks easy and guilt-free!
It’s apparent that your self-esteem is buried so low, that any man on the prowl can see that you’re vulnerable, and will accept being treated shabbily in exchange for instant attention.
However, you CAN change, and the time is now.
Stop the paranoia and state what you want and need: Is this man seriously involved with you? If no, close the door. If yes, discuss how you plan to work together on a healthy, trusting union.
Then, focus on building up your self-image so that you finally believe you deserve better than creeps… make sure you have supportive female friends, and find some activities and interests outside of relying on men.
My mother-in-law is a pill. Whenever she baby-sits, she brings her own cooking, when we’ve told her we feed our child only the food we choose.
- Annoyed Daughter-in-Law
Get another babysitter. OR, thank mom for her services, re-state your preferences, and, unless your child is allergic, let her nibble a bite of Grandma’s goodies occasionally.
My husband wants my son to leave home when he turns 18; but I want him stay till completing high school.
His birth father left, and took my daughter with him, but refused his son. He has behaviour issues from Asperger’s Syndrome and Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
My husband doesn’t want him around our two daughters. My son has sometimes acted the bully, and has anger issues.
- Torn
End the battle of wills between you and your husband, and concentrate on your son’s needs and well-being.
Asperger’s Disorder causes him difficulties with social interaction; he needs moral support and encouragement from both of you, to learn to deal with it. He may also require medication for his ADHD.
Seek professional advice together, about how to get your son to learn and use behaviour modification techniques and anger management skills.
He needs help to become a functioning adult before he can live independently.
Tip of the day:
Coming out can’t be pushed to someone else’s deadline; it’s a turning point that must come from within.
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