A year ago, my boyfriend e-mailed me that he was going home for his mother’s funeral (we live in different countries). I haven’t heard from him since. 

I e-mailed him regularly for four months and never heard back. Not even a phone call to tell me he’s okay. He also wouldn’t answer his phone. I finally wrote him my goodbye letter, feeling he doesn’t need me at all.

I would’ve loved to be there for him during his difficult moments. But I can’t get over him. I have so many questions and he just disappeared like a bubble.

What should I do?

- Abandoned

Blow this bubble out of mind; your feelings are more about past hurt than present loss. You were a long-distance couple who didn’t have much time in each other’s company, if any. Phone calls and emails may’ve worked as conversation, but once he was involved in a deeply emotional experience, that level of communication wasn’t enough… and the same would’ve held true had it been you needing comfort and support in person. 

Yes, he ended it shabbily by not responding, and that was hurtful. Now, focus on meeting people who can be a real presence in your life, and you’ll discover how satisfying it is to build a relationship with someone close by.

We’re renting my mother’s house which she owns as an investment. 

She kept a key and walks in unannounced and interferes with all our decisions.

I tried setting some boundaries but she just laughed at me.

- Fed Up

Move. You thought you’re getting a bargain. You’re not. She won’t change, so you have to change your address and her access to it.

I’m 37, my husband is the only person I can trust, along with my son, who’s 4. 

I cannot trust anyone not to steal from me. Even as a kid it was really hard to have friends.

We recently moved into our own house to escape my mother-in-law. We’d lived in the basement apartment, and whenever I bought something it would disappear, but landed upstairs in my mother-in-law’s place.

She’d invite us to dinner with the food stolen from our freezer. Some stuff disappeared when she looking after her own grandson, and we left the door unlocked so she could bring him downstairs.

I begged my husband to believe what his mother was doing; he does now, but not before we moved out.

Should I just let it go, and try to let her in the house without both of us here?

I don’t even want her at the wedding… she might steal some of the caterers’ place settings.

I hate thieves.

Am I in the wrong?

- Distrust

Living with distrust cannot be easy, especially since you’ve carried this feeling since childhood. It may be that your mother-in-law was dishonest as you suspected, or there’s more going on… and I believe a period of professional counselling will help you find out. It’s sad to shut a grandmother out of your son’s life, if the problem partly arises from you, so I believe it’s worthwhile to get help to probe why you’re so suspicious of so many people. 

Otherwise, things can get even more complicated if you find yourself in the future suspecting your son’s friends, or your neighbours.

Meanwhile, invite your mother-in-law over when you’re all at home; but it’s unfair and unwise to use her as a babysitter if you’re going to assume she’ll steal from you.

How do you tactfully ask someone to stop chewing with their mouth open? 

I recently started seeing more of a close friend who does this. I hadn’t noticed it before. I understand that it’s probably a cultural difference and that she might not understand how distasteful a habit it is.

I love her dearly regardless, but it’s gross.

- Across the Table

Be tactful and private when you tell her. Assure her of your fondness as a friend and say that you appreciate that this may be a practice that’s common where she grew up. Then, suggest she look around at others when they’re eating, and notice how few people chew open-mouthed. Explain that in this society it’s considered less mannerly. 

Then back off, and say nothing. She may not adapt immediately, out of pride, but be patient as she’s bound to notice the difference, from now on.