I was in a five-year relationship with my boyfriend, who’s 50. I stayed that long because of my lack of self-confidence and because he controlled me.
He was abusive mentally/verbally/emotionally. I broke up with him twice but took him back.
Now, I’ve completely left him. I caught him cheating on me.
He denied it, then put it in on social media and still denied it until the other woman called my cell phone, saying she’s pregnant with his baby.
Will I ever find a nice guy who treats me right and not take advantage of me?
My now-ex has a huge drinking problem. I brought him to Alcoholics Anonymous and a psychologist for help.
I also brought him to talk to a priest and see a doctor.
Meanwhile, I gained weight during COVID-19 and he said this is why he cheated and got this woman pregnant.
He’s calling me again, saying he still loves me, messing up my brain and playing with my emotions.
He was my first boyfriend and I gave him my heart, soul, trust, loyalty, and honesty. But he treated me so badly, betrayed my trust.
I met him on a dating website and learned that he took advantage of many ladies on dating sites.
I’m having trouble getting my life back to normal. I need suggestions that can help me because I’m crying and suffering emotionally.
The pain of a nasty breakup feels overwhelming, but I believe you’re on the brink of healing and hope.
It’s evident from how strong and helpful you were in trying to help that man, despite believing you lack self-confidence.
You revealed your inner strength. You’re finished with him.
Loving yourself and re-building your confidence is what’s needed now.
He’s a serial user of women who think they can change him, but he just moves on to someone else.
You mentioned naming this man to alert other women. Don’t. That’d wrongly keep him in your mind. It’s time to pack up your pain and set it aside.
Get busy: Keep up contact only with supportive (and positive) friends/family. Eat healthy and be active, to boost your self-image. Forget past drama, to overcome its trauma.
Counselling can help you understand why you accepted a controlling, abusive relationship, so you’ll never again allow it.
Why can’t adult brothers agree regarding the pandemic risks to our father?
I’m 36, married with two children, have a good job. My wife also works.
My brother’s 33, single, has “some” current girlfriends. He’s not open about his personal life.
Our father has compromised health so my immediate family’s very careful about COVID-19 restrictions, relying on online contact with both parents.
My brother mocks us for being “extreme.” But he visits our parents in person, though his girlfriends have different “bubbles.”
He dismisses my concerns and we end up arguing. Any solutions?
The Worried Brother
You’re adults with different personalities. Having the same parents never meant that you’d think/act alike.
Your parents indulge your brother’s ways because they love him, just as they love you for your responsible manner of caring about them.
Your concern is valid. But your differences stop your brother from listening to you. But he’ll respect your father’s wishes.
Urge your parents to follow public health advice. Keep them current but don’t alarm them.
Demonstrate how to use FaceTime and Zoom with all of their family.
Reach out to your brother occasionally, not about differences. Your kids will notice your example.
FEEDBACK Regarding the question, how can divorced couples make their kids' lives better? (October 14):
Reader – “To paraphrase a quotation attributed to former Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir: "You have to love your children more than you hate each other."
“I will have been married for 50 years next year (all being well). I realize that this doesn't make me an authority when it comes to divorce.
“However, being on the outside looking in, and observing within my extended family, there's one thing that may be helpful to remember.
“It’s this: The children carry 50% of the estranged spouse's DNA.
“So, when you speak negatively of the children's mother or father, you are doing the same to the kids also.
“If parents would keep that in mind, it could benefit everyone involved.”
Ellie - Married or divorced, the DNA factor matters. If a parent imprints the message of the other parent’s faults, it affects/hurts the child.
Tip of the day:
When an unhealthy relationship finally ends, focus on regaining your self-confidence and emotional/physical well-being.