I gave my best friend a peck on her lips, to celebrate a special occasion; but, when I went home, I had a guilty conscious and told my girlfriend about it. We’re together seven months and I always told her I’d never cheat on her, as I’d done with most of my other girlfriends. I don’t want her to leave me because I really love her and can never let her go. She said she’d give me one last chance. But the next day she said she thought about it again, that we need to talk, and that it’s not good. How can I make her see that I need her? And make her give me that second chance?
- Made a Mistake
It’s hard for her to trust you, when every word you utter is all about you. You need… you can’t let go… you want to make her do this or that… I suggest you start your conversation with her with something about her - such as, your love for her, how wonderful she is, plus an apology for hurting and worrying her. While usually, one celebratory kiss with a friend is not a major cheating episode – and you did stop at that, as well as confess – in your case, it’s an alarm bell ringing in your girlfriend’s head about your unfaithful behaviour in previous relationships. So she needs extra assurances that it won’t happen again. So talk to her about her needs for faith in you, not your need to hang on.
I'm a divorced mom, my children are in their 20s; I should be out there dating, but the problem is I’ve had several relationships and all the men either cheated, lied, or tried to control me. So here I am afraid to meet someone new. I’m also afraid to try dating services because I can't tell who is real and who is not. Where do I go from here?
- Looking for Real
You’re at the same starting point as everyone else who’s dating after previous disappointing relationships – hopeful, but wary. And that’s not a bad position, since it should have honed some mature, experienced judgment about whom you choose to get to know better. However, if you keep ending up with the same kind of guy, the problem is not in the gene pool in which you’re fishing, but rather with your own bait. You likely unwittingly put out the message to those kinds of men that you’re ready to believe their lines, and forgive them their lapses (like flirting, or not calling when they said they would or showing up late for dates). If this is so, you need a new message – something like, I deserve a man who’s honest and decent, and settle for nothing less. For a confidence and self-image boost, I recommend you consider short-term individual therapy, before launching yourself back on the dating scene. It’s a better investment, in my books, than paying for dating services when you’re clouded by anxieties.
My husband and I live in a nice, relatively safe city neighbourhood but we have a neighbour who’s obviously a drug addict. I often see him wondering around, aimlessly talking to himself and to passersbys. Recently, he was standing on the sidewalk in front of my house for 15 minutes. I have two dogs, a house alarm and take all safety precautions because my husband travels a lot, but I’m wondering how I should act when I run into this neighbour. I fear that being friendly may send the wrong message but I'm also afraid that ignoring him may anger him and make my house a target.
- Nervous Neighbour
Your concerns for safety are fair enough but your assessment may be way off. People who talk to themselves may have other causes than you think – they could be suffering an obsessive-compulsive disorder or are otherwise disturbed, or agitated from medications. There are many reasons for “odd” behaviour. So far this man has done nothing that suggests he’s violent. Nevertheless, as a woman on your own, you need to be watchful, even if you find he’s not a drug addict. When you run into him, keep a neutral demeanor, be pleasant but offhand, and if he tries to make conversation, mention that your husband is waiting for you inside. Should you find him around your house repeatedly, and in a purposeful way, then alert the police.
Tip of the day:
No relationship can thrive when one partner’s self-interest always comes first.