I’m 49, married 22 years; we both make good money, and have two children together.

I’ve been gambling most of my life and recently my wife spoke of divorce. She’s given me numerous chances and has had enough. I left for a month, she’s let me back in to sleep on the couch, but still wants me to find my own apartment.

I love them all, love my house, and have been going to Gamblers’ Anonymous (GA) for over a month and seeing a private counsellor. I barred myself from off-track betting through the counsellor.

I’m done gambling, so how do I get her to give me another chance?

- Trying Hard

Keep on trying… for your own sake, as much as to impress your wife. 

As you well know, an addiction to anything, including gambling, doesn’t just disappear in a month. You need to stay with the counselling to learn what triggers your behaviour, and what strategies can help you divert yourself from it.

You also need to stay with GA as your support system, for a long time, just as alcoholics find great back up, and encouragement from AA.

Your wife put up with your gambling for many years, no doubt through periods of financial anxiety, frustration, feelings of betrayal. She’s proved her basic love for you and her inner strength to stay the course over a long time.

Now you need to do the same… for her but also for yourself, so that you finally shake this habit that holds you hostage rather than leaves you a free, responsible adult. And for your children, who need a new model of a male parent with the strong will to change something negative.

I’d separated from my second husband after 16 years of emotional, verbal and physical abuse and his alcoholism.  

Six months later I fell in love with a great guy. We lived together nine months, and agreed to get married this summer. We discussed changing our wills because he was being tested for prostate cancer.

The day after the biopsy he fell ill; the following day, I found him dead in the bathroom – the cause was septicemia. His sister (they hadn’t spoken in 10 years) was still
his executor and sole beneficiary.

She, his aunt and a supposed friend ignored my suggestions for the Celebration of Life and won’t disclose what they’ve done with his ashes.

The aunt, whom I’d never heard of, showed up for an “asset check.” Five days after the funeral the sister and friend gave me three days to remove my belongings. I had to move in with relatives.

I realize I have no legal rights but cannot fathom how people can be so cruel. I have no life, no home. A grief counsellor didn’t ask any questions and I just sat there crying.

I’m living in a nightmare and don’t know how much longer I can go on.

- Lost

You’re a survivor who’s surmounted even tougher times; your courage that got you out of a bad marriage, plus your determination to have a better life, WILL come to the fore front. But sudden loss takes time to absorb, especially when accompanied by others’ cold-hearted dealings. 

One grief counsellor doesn’t represent them all… and you may not have been ready to do much more than cry.

Take one day at a time - to heal, to be with caring friends and family, and to move forward.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of five months; we’d been friends before giving a relationship a shot. 

He was somewhat controlling, so I was fine with the break-up. But he said we’d remain friends, he’d call the next day. That mattered to me because I’d feared losing the friendship. But since then, he’s gone AWOL and when I contact him, he’s distant.

Since the breakup was amicable and we never fought, I don’t see why he’s being like this. He says he needs time, But I feel he’s playing games.

Shouldn’t he live up to his word and be respectful?

- Hurt

Who’s being “somewhat controlling,” now? He needs time, so accept that. 

Relationships and break-ups are about emotions, not about pre-planned rules of dis-engagement. Respect his needs, too. And recognize, as part of your tools for having better future relationships, that human behaviour is never static.

People change, hopefully they grow, and couples, friends, family etc. all need to learn to adapt to each other.