My fiancé of six months keeps in touch with several female friends, some of whom he’d dated: Lunches, phone calls, etc. We’re getting married next summer.
Is it unrealistic to expect him to end, or curtail his involvement with them?
I feel I’m being unreasonable asking him to end relationships with friends he’s known much longer than me. Yet, I’m struggling with trust and jealousy issues.
Keep quelling any irrational concerns, if he’s keeping you informed of his friendships, being open about his conversations, and inviting you along sometimes for his get-togethers with these friends. It’s still early days in your growing life together as a couple.
Over time, his work and home schedules are bound to cut into chat time and lunches with his more casual friends.
However, if months from now, you don’t find a natural easing of some of these ties to past girlfriends, AND, if you’re not being included in their circle, it’ll be time to raise your discomfort with him. A good guy will respect his partner’s feelings, and even if he doesn’t end the contact, will make sure you’re reassured that friendship is all it’s about.
I’m expecting our third child; my marriage has been rocky since our second.
I’m infatuated with another man.
My husband may have something on the side but I have no proof, we hardly communicate. There hasn’t been any sex since our conception, or I wouldn’t have feelings for anyone else.
I see this other man often (four times a week), and have been verbal about my feelings. We hug and hold each other; I need that right now. But he doesn’t feel comfortable with my situation as his ex-wife left him for someone else.
My husband asked me to move out.
Is it wrong to think I can have a new relationship with this other man? He won’t be with me unless I’m officially divorced.
- No Win
Everyone’s losing in this messy situation, but no one’s focused on the children as the biggest victims of these careless relationships.
Take responsibility as a mother, and learn your legal rights. You can do so through a lawyer, or the court system.
Then, talk straight, practical matters with your husband. He’ll listen, when you inform him that you MUST have a home for your children and he MUST help provide that financially, he can’t just push you out and drop his obligations.
Lack of sex isn’t the main issue between you two; it’s lack of common sense and communication. People who are creating children together have to deal with supporting and raising them, even if they decide to separate.
Your infatuation is an escape fantasy. This man obviously likes attention, too, but is at least smart enough to stay disengaged until you know what you’re doing.
Face reality, get informed and figure out how you’re going to be a mother to three children, before you rely on someone else to fix your life.
My husband’s sister was a great stay-at-home mom; but with all our kids grown, she’s jealous that I kept working and enjoying it. She criticizes and badmouths me to my husband and kids.
Hubby needs to speak up and say he’s proud of you and content; the adult kids also need to walk away or change the subject.
Your best strategy is to stay above this, and live as you choose.
I have strong morals, and disagree with many people’s lifestyle choices.
My siblings have children out of wedlock. Should I attend the child’s birthday party and keep quiet or not go, as silent protest?
Is going condoning the behavior?
My brother-in-law is “shacking up;” my husband knows this makes me uncomfortable.
What should I do when I’m around this couple?
- Morally Sound
Your sense of moral superiority must be very satisfying if you believe it’ll sustain you when isolated from your family. And isolated you’ll be, if you snub those innocent children.
Your husband will also be excluded, if you show contempt for the common-law couple.
You can be proud of choosing a moral path without voicing judgment on others’ lifestyles. But if you can’t tolerate different choices, stick to your own high piece of ground. No one’s asking for your approval… just the civility of minding your own business.
Tip of the day:
Friendships with the opposite sex do not have to be worrisome, unless a spouse is constantly being left out of the loop.