My friend’s experiencing fatigue and dizzy spells and is searching the Internet for rare diseases. I’m sure her 60 pounds overweight is a contributor but don’t know how to tell her this.    
      She’s always failed on diets, so weight is a touchy subject with her. How can I tell her that she’d look and feel better if she weren’t fat?
      - Concerned

Her weight is personal, not public property; friendship doesn’t grant automatic rights to cross that line without her opening the topic. BUT you can steer her towards professionals – such as her doctor, or a fitness trainer, nutritionist, anyone she sees to improve her health.   
      Tell her that self-diagnosis through the Internet is too non-specific and can be misleading. Instead, she should see her doctor (or other health-related professionals) about her symptoms. IF she’s told her weight is a factor, be supportive in her efforts to reduce, without offering judgment.

Dear Reader
      The topic of sexual assault periodically arises in this column; it rarely comes from the person directly involved with the perpetrator but from others concerned for someone whom they feel is at risk. As example, I’m choosing one from August 14, to reveal some important feedback from readers.        
      The original writer was 22; her close friend’s boyfriend had twice sexually molested the writer while she was sleeping, coming into her bed when she stayed with them, and putting his hands on her. Their other close friend also claimed that he’d touched her inappropriately      
      When the friends informed the guy’s girlfriend, she excused her boyfriend as drunk, said he “doesn't remember” those incidents, he has “a problem.” She insisted she was committed to him.    
      The writer asked me if the girl’s parents should be told. I said Yes, adding that the parents should insist the guy get counselling, or else they’d report the incidents to the police.
      The writer had indicated no intention to report the guy to police and her girlfriend was prepared to back him up with excuses, so there was no evidence. I felt that parental pressure – plus the threat of their going to police – would be effective.     
      You offered other views that are worth sharing:      
      A- Why would the girlfriend accept the same information from her parents? The friends should give written detailed facts of his behaviour to the police. How many more women does he have to assault before this happens?      
      A- Yes, the friendship would end but the important issue is that the man be held responsible for his behaviour and steps are taken to ensure other women don’t suffer at his hands.      
      A- He needs to be made accountable for his actions which are potentially emotionally harmful and even violent to others. He drinks to excess, then breaks the law.      
      A- The predator’s girlfriend is a non-issue in the criminal prosecution.      
      A- The female letter writer has TWICE allowed a man to molest her and is more concerned with her friend than with her own situation. There are absolutely NO circumstances in which a woman should go to sleep and awaken to find someone else touching her.
      A second issue involves more than the relationship circumstances the girlfriend is in. As long as these women-victims just complain to their friend, her boyfriend will continue to "help himself" to the female bodies around him. The girlfriend has a legal responsibility to halt the criminal behaviour of the boyfriend.
      I hope you will re-visit this letter and advise all young women on the importance of this issue.

I’ve only been married one year and already, at Thanksgiving and Christmas too, I face the same painful dilemma: My in-laws insist that we go there and my husband agrees because he’s an only child and it’s still our “honeymoon period” that they’re getting used to without him.      
      Meanwhile, my parents say, “we’ll be fine.” But sometimes they end up with friends instead of family because my brother’s in-laws are also demanding.
      - What To Do?

Tell Honeymoon Hubby he and his parents don’t have an exclusive on the new arrangements. The holidays have to be shared, period. Examples: 1) His parents invite yours along; 2) You host both sets of parents; 3) You alternate which relatives you visit per holiday; 4) Make it a “two-fer” holiday and get together with each set of parents – say, brunch with in-laws, dinner with your parents one time, and vice versa the next time.