My boyfriend of 18 months and I are talking about moving in together while still in university and even starting a family. We’re both 19, but mature and serious about this relationship. He’s exactly caring, honest, smart, treats me well. However, he’s Asian and I’m Caucasian. 

My family and close friends keep telling me to dump him because of his race. My parents, being immigrants, want me to have a relationship with a “nice tall blonde blue-eyed boy.”

I don’t love him “because he’s Asian;” I love him because of his personality.

Though I wouldn’t just blindly listen to what my friends and parents say, and though I don’t agree with how radical they are about the issue, I’m starting to think we shouldn’t stay together since our backgrounds are so different.

His parents don’t accept me much either.

Part of me wants to be with him forever and another part says break off before it’s too late.

- What to Do?

Time often answers the most perplexing questions, and at 19, you both have plenty of time to allow the strength of your commitment to reveal itself. 

True maturity means recognizing that while mixed marriages are more and more common and acceptable in much of society, a couple with disapproving parents may find themselves without a family support network and must be prepared to carry on without it.

Enjoy your college years without this added stress of moving together and opposing your families and friends. You can continue dating each other, but be open to discussions together about how it’s going, how your goals and envisioned lifestyle match, and whether to take a break and see if dating others is an option.

The decision is ultimately between you two, but there’s no benefit in making it in haste or to prove something to others.

My husband of seven years no longer wants my father to live with us, and says he never wanted this. During early dating, I clearly stated that this was a non-negotiable requirement, and he agreed. 

We recently bought a smaller house due to financial restrictions. He pushed for this house thinking my concurring had meant that my father would NOT move in (space is tight) even though I spoke about Dad’s living there too.

My father recently lost his job and this issue is explosive.

My husband conceded (his word) but treats my Dad disrespectfully.

I’m ready to throw in the towel. He’s not interested in therapy so I’m attending on my own.

Is it wrong to end a marriage over something like this?

- Blindsided

The problem isn’t your father; it’s poor communication. You don’t say why your husband is against your Dad’s presence; nor why Dad must live with you… which is not the usual choice for a young couple. So I suspect you haven’t openly and fairly discussed with your partner the two sides of this matter. 

Unless you’re both willing to have this conversation – or go together see a professional counsellor to guide you through it – Dad will remain an obstructive symbol of your mutual stubbornness.

This may indeed cause you to break up, but don’t blame your father. Something’s missing in this puzzle and it’s strictly between you two.

My friend’s husband flirts with me and I don’t know how to respond. 

When he’s been drinking, he’ll pat my backside or give me a wet kiss.

Should I tell my friend?

- Uncomfortable

No, tell the jerk he’s out of bounds! And walk away.

How do you tell a loved family member (age 47) that she and her immediate family all have a terrible smell? They’re all overweight; their house smells. 

We don’t know how to tell them. We know it won’t be easy, and will be hurtful, but we don’t want to be around them or have them over to our house anymore.

- Wearing Clothespins

You can be helpful instead of hurtful. Forget your delicate nostrils and focus on the health and social needs of people you supposedly care about. 

Talk to the woman about the health risks of excess weight for her whole family and get her nutritional information. Raise your concern that something in their diet is affecting their body odour and you fear her children being ostracized or embarrassed at school.

Be VERY sensitive, and do nor mention your own discomfort other than to say the odour is noticeable.