I'm the legal guardian of my brother, 14; he failed half his school classes. Worse, I've learned that he may be using drugs. The angry father of one of his friends told me with details, that my brother's selling drugs to other kids.
My brother denied everything. But I've also heard from my own friends that my brother's hanging around with druggies. He admits this, but denies participating.
Without these accusations, I have no reason to suspect him, but perhaps it's related to why he did so poorly in school. I don't know whom to believe because I've lost trust in him because of his poor school performance.
Yet I'm apprehensive about wholeheartedly accepting these stories. What should I do?
The drugs are the immediate issue, more than his school performance. Handle this first, and then you can focus on getting him tutoring help, etc.
First, get the truth. Talk to his friends, his teachers, anyone acquainted with his habits. Then warn him, firmly: If you find he's involved with drugs, you'll report him to juvenile authorities, unless he admits it to you.
As his guardian, you're there to re-direct him, far more than punish him. You need a comprehensive plan to change his attitude, influences, and hangouts. He's young enough to get past this, if you show him the caring and monitoring he needs.
Boost your attention to him; if circumstances make that difficult, get an outside network going, e.g. Big Brothers, a sports team, a community youth organization, etc.
I became close friends with a woman; we both had young families. Our spouses got along and we regularly got together as families.
Then her husband called me at work, professed his love for me, and suggested a date. I declined, saying clearly that I wasn't interested. He asked that I keep it a secret. But I felt I'd be part of his deception/betrayal of our spouses if I kept it from my husband, whom I told. He was understandably upset.
I also decided to tell my friend because, if reversed, I'd expect her to be honest with me. It'd also explain why we could no longer be around her husband. She apologized profusely.
We'd lost contact for two years until she recently invited us to her son's birthday party. I cannot be around her husband, as not only does he make me feel uncomfortable, I'm also sickened by his behaviour.
I can understand that she's trying to put the past behind and mend bridges. But how do I tell her nicely without alienating her and her kids that I simply cannot be around her husband? She won't do anything without her husband's blessing or involvement. I want to keep her friendship, as she's one of the nicest people I've met.
The choice is yours, but there can only be ONE choice, given your feelings about her husband. To have any contact as friends, you have to see each other only as girlfriends...it means NOT going to her home (in case he returned home early to try and smoothen the past), and not talking about husbands, since your disapproval of hers will always hang in the air between you.
Thank her for the invitation, send birthday wishes to her son, but say openly that while you'd love to see her, it'll have to be you two on your own, or at some Moms-and-kids venue, without the Dads. She may accept this, or not.
I'm 25; as a difficult teenager I was sent to private school for my last year of high school. After graduation, I worked different jobs, was in a bad car accident and a trauma psychologist diagnosed my Bipolar Disorder. My depression, anxiety and lack of self-confidence finally had a cause.
But my Mother's now saying she's no longer my "parent," and says it's because of the costly year of private school. I've returned to post-secondary education, studying something I feel passionate about, but without her support.
I can't afford to pay her back. Should I estrange myself when I move back to school?
She mistakenly feels she "wasted" money; but your passion for studies proves that all your education had value. Explain this, and that with a career, you'll be able eventually to pay her back. Provide her with information about Bipolar Disorder; she IS your parent and needs to understand, supportively.
Tip of the day:
Legal guardianship of a youngster requires awareness, and a caring level of intervention when needed.