During the last two years I have this feeling that my wife's "no longer with me."

She spends long hours at the computer and when I approach, she just closes it. When I ask why, the storm starts. I've recently discovered she's frequently on Facebook and on two social networking sites.

She's been showing me almost no signs of love, and not just physical love is absent.

I won't leave my kids because of her. But I can see my health and nerves starting to be affected by this situation. I'm not going to confront her. I just end up saying "sorry" without a clue about what I'm apologizing.

I'm tired of being treated like that!

Fed Up

You can't fix a relationship by just wishing it better. The "storm" is her way of closing off conversation. But there IS a way to keep it going.

I appreciate you don't want to "leave" your kids, nor do you necessarily have to, even in a divorce. I suggest you see an experienced family law specialist to learn your rights and responsibilities in case she leaves or threatens a split.

Once you have solid information to raise with her about sharing custody of the children, financial division, and matters regarding your house and other assets, there'll be plenty of reasons for you two to start talking.

I also suggest that you, personally, go to counselling, because keeping all this emotion and tension inside WILL affect your health otherwise. Talking things out with a professional therapist might give you the "clues" you're seeking as to what's gone wrong and whether there are ways to improve things.

Seeking this help and getting some feeling of personal control will also be an example for your wife that marital counselling might be helpful to your marriage.... or at least make the issues clear.

I feel like I have no real friends. I'm so unhappy because I don't have anything meaningful in my life. I'm on antidepressants and want to find a therapist but can't afford it.

I know I'd never make another suicide attempt, but I really wish my life would be over. I can't make any friends and feel no one really likes me. If I'd just find a support network and friends I'd feel okay. But I think it's too much pressure to put on friends. I wish I could stop feeling sorry for myself. How can I change my life view?

Distraught

Reaching out with your email is a sign of your will to live, and of the hope that lies within you for a better future. Those are positives for you to build on, and you can do it, with some help.

Whatever area you live in, there are Distress Centres (see Yellow Pages or Google) with trained people to answer your call, and hear your story. Nothing shocks them, and it's confidential and anonymous. They'll direct you to resources for more specific help.

Depression can be affected by hormonal changes such as occur around menstruation and menopause, so if these are a factor, you should tell your doctor who's giving you anti-depressants, or go to a clinic. Or there may be chemical imbalances, which occur in many people, and can also be treated.

Talking to supportive people through the distress centre will help you get pro-active. There are community centres and agencies providing group gatherings and activities where you'll meet new people. Many other individuals are looking for friendship and communication, too. You just have to get going.

FEEDBACK Regarding the female expatriate, 20, who wants to leave her family in Saudi Arabia, for better opportunities (March 21):

Reader - "She needs to understand her legal rights to leave Saudi Arabia. Does she have a passport? Does her family control that? Is she considered adult there or she is still a minor?

"She says she's an expatriate which typically means she's not a citizen. Is she a citizen of another country? Is it feasible for her to return to her country or citizenship (depending on politics there)?

"Surely there are women's rights activists or human rights groups in Saudi Arabia that she can reach out to, or other international human rights groups that may be able to provide her assistance."

Ellie - I agree that she needs solid information and was very clear that she must do research and create a "workable plan" which would include some of these crucial questions.