What is the protocol when moving to a new neighbourhood as far as relationships with your neighbours? I just moved here from Arizona and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to behave. At home, we rarely see our neighbours. We drive everywhere we need to go and maybe only see people when we’re walking the dog or mowing the lawn. A wave usually suffices.

But here I see people walk straight past other people without even a nod, OR I see complete strangers stop to chat. It’s very confusing!

What’s your take on this situation?

New to the Hood

I can only assume you mean Toronto when you say “here.” And I don’t know what neighbourhood you’ve moved into. Ironically, when we moved into our home a few years ago, I distinctly remember one neighbour popping out to welcome us and telling us how friendly our street was. Only it was November, and we never saw another human until spring.

My point is, Torontonians are very weather affected. If you’re out walking in the winter, or any unpleasant weather for that matter, you can expect heads down and no friendly exchanges. My experience has been that once the sun comes out, people stop looking down and start looking up – literally and figuratively – and most people say hi when they pass you on the street.

Having said that, I’m just a friendly person and I say hi to everyone so they may just be responding.

FEEDBACK Regarding the denied grandparents (March 12):

Reader – “Excellent idea for grandparents — or divorced parents cut off from their child — to keep a journal for that child.  But how about a plea to those who deny family members access to their children or grandchildren to provide those relatives with a written explanation? Just a simple ‘You are cut off because you did x, y and/or z.’  Simply ghosting grandparents without explanation suggests a degree of viciousness that calls the parent’s thinking into question.”

My sister and I went to a concert in the park this past weekend. It was a free event, the weather was gorgeous, and the park was full. It was in a part of a town that we rarely frequent, for no reason other than proximity, and as a result we didn’t bump into anyone we knew.

We found a spot on the grass, laid out our picnic and chatted while enjoying the music. Suddenly, my sister started choking on her water and pointing. Through a sea of people, we spotted our cousin canoodling with a woman who is not his wife.

We couldn’t contain ourselves, and the sun was hot, so we started packing our things quickly and hightailed it out of there before he saw us seeing him. We pulled out of the lot and down the closest side street so we could have a true freak out.

We’re so grateful we were together for the sighting because there’s no refuting. But what do we do know? We love our cousin’s wife, she’s pregnant with their second child, and we adore the first one.

Caught red-handed

His wife is pregnant? You two need to have an intervention with him. Invite him out under the guise of planning the baby shower (perfect excuse!) and tell him you know. As long as you don’t have an ounce of worry that he could react negatively towards his wife and/or child. If that’s a possibility (this world can be scary), then you need to get her and the child somewhere safe before you confront him.

FEEDBACK Regarding the pedophile (March 14):

Reader – “Shocking that no police check was done on this country club employee who worked with children.  I’m a volunteer reading instructor at the library, never alone with a child, and have a check every three years.  The instructors who lead my community centre seniors’ classes must also be cleared because seniors are regarded as a vulnerable population.  My brother does a few hours a week of volunteer bookkeeping at his church and must have a police check because there’s a daycare in the building.

“However, police checks only report actual convictions, not suspicions, and not having been charged but not convicted.  And they don’t deal with possible convictions outside of Canada nor with abusers who simply haven’t been caught yet.  So, we still must keep a close watch on those working with kids — trusting but verifying by looking at the adult’s behaviour as well as the child’s.”