My husband of ten years is 39, and seems to have hit a wall in his life - he's restless about not having done better financially than he expected in his career, and he's also restless/bored with our family situation. We have two daughters, ages eight and nine, whose daily routines along with our two full-time jobs keep us very busy.

We divide the driving and pick-ups from their school, and then share delivering them to their sports and dance classes. He does the big weekly shopping, I cook and also prepare some meals ahead, and we do laundry and cleaning on weekends. There isn't much time or money left for dinners out together, or free time alone and away from family.

I'm fine with all this, it's what I expected as normal, and I love our life with the kids. But he keeps mentioning things like a guys' trip to Las Vegas, or taking up golf, or us all moving to another country for two years, all things we can't afford. When I say this, he gets moody and goes quiet for a couple of days.

Is there such a thing as a ten-year itch?

Worried

More than an "itch," decade markers often affect people, especially around age 40. It's when many people see life as "half-gone" instead of "half-ahead." They wonder if that is all there is.

Don't just dismiss your husband's wishful statements of dreams and desires. Listen, and discuss what might be possible.

One example: perhaps a weekend golf trip with his buddies IS affordable as a special birthday gift at 40. Once he feels your approval, instead of being faced with your practical objections, he'll figure out for himself what's workable, and what's not.

Try, too, to have a "date night" at least once in two weeks. It doesn't have to be a pricey night out, if you hire a neighbour's teenager to babysit and just do something casual together.

A couple we liked suffered serious financial losses during the economic crisis, and asked to borrow $10,000. Though things were tighter for us, we could manage without that amount and loaned it to them.

Eighteen months later, they've re-settled in a smaller place and are now both working part-time, finally feeling hopeful.

We hadn't socialized much during this period so recently invited them over for dinner. My wife and I were astonished to hear that they'd booked a week at a spa resort in the near future, "to recover," without any mention of paying us back as well.

We feel that if they can afford vacations, they can afford to pay us, but we said nothing at the time. How and when do we approach the subject, or will we risk losing the friendship?

Out of Pocket

The minute you lend money to people without an agreed payback date or other understanding that the "loan" is really a gift, you've already risked losing the connection.

If you still want to see these people, then give them the benefit of the doubt that the "recovery trip" is part of their getting back on their feet.

You may even mention that you're pleased to know they're coming to the end of their difficult period. If they have any sense of their responsibility to honour the loan, they'll hear the implication in your words.

However, if they carry on doing well for another six months with no sign of payback, you've lost the money. What you do about the friendship is then up to you.

My mother's a busy professional; she loves my kids but only likes short visits with them. She's always suggesting she'll pay for a sitter and we'll go shopping, or to dinner and a movie together.

I love her and understand she's lonely - she's been divorced for years. But I don't want to leave the kids at dinner and homework-time when they need me most.

Also, being single, I sometimes prefer to accept a date with a nice guy if one comes along. How can I tell this to Mom without hurting her?

Pulled

You both care about each other, but don't communicate your needs honestly nor make plans that serve you both. Arrange some regular time with Mom - e.g., a night out together one week; the next, she visits and shares her wisdom and experience with the kids, while you have a date. Compromise, and appreciate each other.