I'm 35, married to a terrific woman, with two children; my life is very happy even though I haven't talked to my parents in several years.

They're both hypocrites and have been for most of my life. They spouted family values, but my father played around and my mother drank. They left me and my siblings with a succession of babysitters, and then yelled at us when we weren't "perfect" children in company.

But their worst dealings with me happened when I married my Asian wife - they refused to accept her as family, treated her rudely, even raising ugly stereotypes that I married her to be "servile" to me. I refuse to let them know my children, fearing what they'd say to them about being of mixed race.

I've read your warnings when adult children stay estranged from parents, that it could teach their own kids about abandoning close relatives. But isn't there a time when enough is enough?

No Hope Possible

My warning about estrangement stands, BUT I've also written that when family relations are hopelessly toxic, distance IS the answer.

You have negative history between you and your parents; it's not new with your wife's presence. You likely anticipated your parents' bigoted response, and were unsurprised even though hurt.

Your task now is to help your children understand why they don't see their grandparents. It's not about cutting them off just because you didn't get along, it's about their years of selfishness, their phony values about appearances, and their racism which you won't tolerate and want them to not tolerate either.

Against that explanation, there has to be a strong example of what you and your wife believe is good parenting. If you're committed to that, your decision to avoid your parents will not send the wrong message to your kids.

I have a good friend whom I like a lot, except for one flaw: She lies. She'll lie about anything, from what she cooked for a dinner party, even though it's from a local deli counter, to how much she paid for a slipcover for her couch (always higher than the real amount).

I still consider her a close friend because she has a good and generous heart and will do anything for you when you need her. However, it's hard to balance that with the fact I can't believe half of what she says.

How do I tell her I know when she's lying to me, without losing the friendship?

Disbelief

Trust is so important to friendship, when it really matters. Whether she made the eggplant lasagna herself pales in significance, compared to being able to count on her in times of need. "A good and generous heart" is a treasure in friendship.... knowing the price of a purchase is not.

I say, let her "fudge reality" on the small stuff for whatever reason - insecurity, perhaps? - she seems to think her made-up answers are more impressive. It's a shame, because she's wrong. But maybe she's intimidated by others' cooking, or embarrassed by her budget limits. Think about it, and you may gain your own insights.

Meanwhile, if there's ever a situation that is important to you about which you believe she's lying, it'll be time to speak up. That's when you can tell her you need to trust her but feel you can't. Don't harp on the old "deli dishes" passed off as homemade, but DO say you're aware that she stretches the truth, and that isn't acceptable on this particular matter.

My husband and I make average incomes, have two children, and live a decent middle-class lifestyle.

Our eldest child's favorite playmate comes from a very wealthy family - they have fancy cars, go on lavish vacations, the child owns the latest gadget, toy, computer, etc. How do I insure that all that materialism doesn't suck in my child, without stopping him from playing with his friend?

Uncomfortable

Your children will be exposed to materialism all their lives.... from advertisements on every media they use, to friends with an ipad before you can afford or want one.

Since he's seeing one extreme level of consumerism, make sure he has other friends who are on your own income level or whose homes and lifestyles are less showy.

Be clear that the differences are only about what people can afford/want, not about what's "better." It's a lesson he'll need for years ahead.