My wife of 25 years (both early-50s) has withdrawn from sex, permanently. She doesn’t understand that lack of sex and intimacy has devastated me; I feel lonely, unloved, betrayed and angry. 

When I’ve initiated sex, she’s become angry and verbally abusive. She refused my pleadings for joint counselling and getting a medical check.

She’d stopped sex in the past, over situations, but never this long. I hate to consider my next step (separation).

- Depressed and Victimized

You’re only “victimized” if you do nothing but leave. 

There’s always a “back story” to an arbitrary withdrawal of intimacy, which only you two can know… And she may also have hidden reasons.

Look to yourself, first, by talking to a counsellor to see if there are clues from the past or things you can do to re-connect with her emotionally. Tell her you’re making this effort, and it’d be helpful to both of you if she’d join you or go alone for therapy.

Also, say that a health check is important for her sake since, if this is related to hormone changes, there are other health-related effects she should be aware of.

Lastly, let her know that if there’s no chance for resuming some level of intimacy and caring, you’ll be considering going separate ways.

We’re a happily married couple expecting our first child. My husband and I come from the same home country and enjoy a very successful professional and social life; we’re in close contact with our families in our home country through visiting almost every year, calling and e-mailing every week and sponsoring family members to visit us here. 

In our house, we speak our mother tongue language and would like our child to learn it, too. What’s the best way of doing that without impeding his progress with English? Is there any resource book/literature you would recommend?

- Native Speaker

Interest in teaching babies to be bilingual is currently increasing in North America so there’s much research and different approaches to study. One popular method is having the two different languages linked to separate situations – example: hearing one language at home, another outside and at school; or mother speaking one language to the child, father speaking another. 

Experience has shown me that what’s natural to the parents comes across best. Thus, in your particular home, your child will hear your mother tongue between family members; but for dealings outside, when you’re on the phone doing business, talking to neighbours and to many of your friends, he/she will hear you speaking the majority language, English, and will learn that language simultaneously.

Be aware that learning dual languages sometimes goes more slowly than learning just one, but experts agree that becoming bilingual from infancy will ultimately benefit a child’s language skills.

Of course, if you notice speech hesitation or prolonged difficulties, you may need to focus on one language for a while (I’d suggest English, for school proficiency) and/or eventually check for hearing problems as well as see a children’s specialist in dual language speech.

One helpful website for research and resources, as well as tips: www.biculturalfamily.org.

My husband has strong opinions on décor; I can’t buy even placemats without his approval of their colour or shape. 

Is he a control-freak?

- Wondering

He’s a guy with defined taste. Unless he’s restricting you from buying anything at all, bring décor magazines home to share likes and dislikes, then go shopping together, as a couple’s outing.

My boyfriend of 18 months and I decided to not have sex until marriage. It’s been the hardest and most wonderful time, becoming best friends. 

But recently, he’s become bored and frustrated that we only see each other a few times weekly due to hectic schedules.

We don’t have anything to talk about anymore, it’s like our spark has died.

- What to Do?

Recent weeks have been the build-up to Christmas and New Year’s with all the pressures from family and finances. Now, you need to find time for “other” intimacies – cuddling, sharing childhood tales, favorite old movies and music, long walks. 

If one of you is wavering on the non-sexual relationship, discuss why and what’s the next step in your plans together.

But if sex is being initiated because you’ve both run out of things to talk about, forget it. In that case, the relationship has run its course.