My boyfriend of five years (off and on) has lied, cheated and done nasty things to me. We met at work - he tried to get me fired to impress another female employee (she didn’t like me) whom he wanted to date; she was engaged.    
      Within our first year dating, he picked a fight so we’d break up, had six lap dances at a stag, then brought me cookies and coffee at work to make up.    
      He’s repeated this pattern, by involving other women.  He didn’t introduce me to his family for 18 months, or his friends for two years. I’m still never invited to his family get-togethers.    
      I’m a single mother, and honestly thought he was a good guy. I’ve gone to counselling, suggested he go, but he lied to her about everything.    
      He ogles women until they’re uncomfortable and has made women uncomfortable at work. He stole business from me and gave another female colleague credit for it. My boys are older, but my daughter, 6, worships him. I’ve made excuses for him for years.     
      I accidentally found old photos of him in the Caribbean with a girl, age 14 – she was half-naked.    
      Now he says we’re just friends, but he comes over for dinner every night. He was intimate with me until recently. He wants to take my family on a vacation, but also wants me to move on.
      - Confused

You had me at your first sentence - five years of lousy treatment is too long. Going on vacation with him and encouraging your daughter’s affection for him, will be a set-up for you to hope for more and for her to grow up as accepting of a Bad Guy as you’ve been. End it, permanently.

My girlfriend of two years had to move into a modest apartment post-divorce. I feel sorry for her but am not ready to marry her. I feel no attachment to her son, 15.
      Should I move in with them to a better place and hope "love" develops? We’re both late-40s but I cannot afford mistakes since I’d like to retire in 12 years.
      - Sympathetic

Stay put. Only if love develops naturally while dating and only if you accept that her son will be part of your life, should you consider living together.

Feedback – One frequent reader notes that, judging from the letters to me, people are increasingly prone to searching their partner’s emails and phone records for signs of infidelity.    
      Reader - “Maybe they assume, ‘where there’s smoke, there's fire,’ but there’s no justification to snoop (other than a court-ordered writ to examine for criminal intent).
      “We should at least expect our personal home/phone/computers to be free from random searches.  It’s akin to your partner opening a personal letter to you that arrived in the mailbox.     
      “It would never be tolerated, and less likely attempted, as it’s obvious who opened it. But private electronic devices are deemed open season.     
      “I’d hope and expect that my partner RESPECTS my privacy. Even if there are problems within the relationship, there has to be a line that never gets crossed or we (and the relationship) descend to a depth of mistrust from which we may never recover.    
      “Please tell folks that snooping exposes more about THEM (insecurity/immaturity) than whatever they may find about their partner.”

I’m with you on this and have condemned deliberate snooping numerous times. Eventually, actual cheating becomes evident, whereas constant suspicion demeans the innocent party, eroding his/her self-confidence.    
      Instead, confront - and insist on answers that make sense.

I have a terminal disease, am in constant excruciating pain and want to die. This is a message for the relatives of the dying: Don't believe that all pain can be managed. Pain sometimes eludes the experts despite their best efforts.     
      These are the normal rationale thoughts of a person who’s come to the end. Don't pump me full of psychiatric drugs to nullify my thoughts. Try to separate your needs from those of the dying. Listen to the dying and don't discount what they tell you if it’s unpleasant or hard to deal with.
      - My Truth

Your battle with pain is monumental and those close to you should respect your wishes. How the end is reached is a decision between you and your doctors only. But your message is personal. Each life is unique, and so are the ways each person hopes to go into the night.