I’m planning a wedding for next year, but don't think I was ever fully attracted to my partner of three and a half years. He's more like a best friend.
We know each other's families so well, and my whole family’s waiting on the wedding.
We have the same morals and values; we get along amazingly, and have the same vision for our future.
But I hate kissing him. I tried showing him how I like to be kissed. But it didn't change much.
Six months ago, I told him I might not be in love with him anymore. We've since been "working on it." But I always feel like something’s missing.
I love him but I hate having sex with him. I only do it when I don't have to face him. I know I'm hurting him.
But I've also had major crushes on other guys and fantasize about them.
I don’t want to lose or leave him, because I've never gotten along so well with anyone else.
Also, he's gained a lot of weight, making him more unattractive to me.
If he were to be thinner again, would it all be fixed?
I’ve also had major "daddy issues" in my life. I feel like I'm expecting my fiancé to be more like a father figure.
If I get therapy for my "daddy issues," will this help my relationship and attraction issues?
Bride in Turmoil
Your mind’s whirling with doubts and confusions, but what’s clear is that you cannot carry on with plans to marry someone with whom you hate kissing and having sex.
The “Daddy” issue is preying on your emotions. You need to talk to an experienced counsellor, now.
Forget the family’s wedding excitement. Take time off those plans and start probing what’s really troubling you.
Meanwhile, be upfront with your fiancé. Tell him you care deeply about him, but don’t want to hurt either of you by going ahead when you’re so conflicted.
Meanwhile, help him get on a healthy nutritional plan and fitness routine, for his own sake.
Don’t make this about his having to become more attractive to you. His weight gain may well be his reaction to your retreat from intimacy.
If you need more time during, or even after the counselling, take a “break” from the engagement for six months – with both of you permitted to date others.
You need the options for both of you to be clear.
I’m early-20s, married seven years, with three young children.
Recently, my husband overheard me complaining to my mom about his disrespect with me.
She was giving me advice he didn't like. Now he’s angry and surprised that I’m badmouthing him.
I said it’s because he never listens to what I say. He says it’s because of my childish actions.
Oh, because I don't clean the house or make food when HE wants it done!
Every word from him these past couple of years is criticism and commands.
All I want is affection and communication! Divorce is out of the question because I don't believe in it.
Believe in protecting yourself and your children.
Your situation sounds shaky. Suggest going together to someone you both respect in your community or among your families.
You’re very young, perhaps he is too, and you need outside help with all the responsibilities and work of a young family.
If he won’t consider this, you need a safe plan to seek advice, perhaps separate awhile (not divorce) to work things out.
I'm 18, and have liked a former co-worker for two years. He only wants to be friends, but visits me at work frequently.
I’ve told him of my feelings, but he said he’s already involved with someone else.
Six months ago, another co-worker asked me to hang out, brought me roses, and took me ice-skating.
After hanging out more times (as friends), he said he really cares about me and wants more than friendship. We have fun together.
But I’m having a hard time moving on from old feelings.
How To Handle?
Be fair to your current co-worker. Say you enjoy his company but you’re not ready for a relationship, you prefer staying friends for now.
Then, be fair to yourself. Your past co-worker’s attached. You’re hanging onto hope in order not to feel rejected, but it’s not an insult to you that he already has other ties. Move on.
Tip of the day:
If past “Daddy issues” haunt you, look to resolve them now.