I recently started a man to whom I’m physically and mentally attracted. Every morning I wake up and see him sleeping, I want to wake him to tell him, “I love you,” and let him know every minute, every day. But I’m cautious about saying it, as I don’t want him to freak out. 

Should I listen to my heart and say it, or let him tell me when he’s ready?

- Fallen In Love

Beware of Smother Love: It comes from a place of insecurity, not from the heart. 

It’s way too early for you to pour all your emotions onto him. You’ve rushed into the physical connection, so he already knows you’re fully involved. But pushing for openly stated “love” indicates a hurry to a next phase of committment… which he might be unprepared to handle yet.

Hang onto “cautious” thinking, and let things build naturally, through sharing more time and knowledge about each other.

I recently married a workingwoman whose family is affluent. 

I moved to her country for her and gave up my old career. I’m in a new field and making slow progress, but I find it difficult to discuss finances with her because, though she says she understands, she’s used to getting whatever she needs, and I don’t like telling her how little I’m making. So I try to avoid the conversation or end up fighting with her for not just trusting me.

- Frustrated

You’ll be fighting a lot more unless you open up your books and your concerns about sharing the financial side of your life together. You’re partners now, and she deserves full disclosure, just as you deserve her adjusting to the situation. 

If you can’t work this out together, see a financial adviser together through your bank and create a workable budget from both your incomes.

I’m 60, married, with an adult son who divorced a year after marrying and fathering a child. He had little money and moved in with my parents who were in declining health. He helped out over the past five years but we also had caregivers plus I was cooking, cleaning, etc. 

My father died, my mother had a stroke, and is now living in a nursing home, on dwindling finances.

My siblings and I have power of attorney, and feel the house must be sold to pay for the nursing home plus a caregiver. I’m sure my mother told my son he could have the house; I’m also sure he hounded her to sign it over to him.

He’s hired a lawyer to see if he’s owed entitlement to it or compensation for his help (he’d also received several thousand dollars from my mother over the years).

Your thoughts?

- Worried

The house is your mother’s, and though she can will it where she wants, she’s still alive and needs care she can no longer afford. 

You and your siblings have responsibility for her care.

Your son may have a claim for some compensation; for family harmony, you might consider offering him a small percentage of the house sale, in appreciation of his efforts. This might allay him from pursuing an expensive lawsuit.

However, point out that you, too, helped out, yet the house proceeds must support your mother till she passes. At that time, it’s likely there’ll be a bequest for him from his grandmother, or the siblings can then offer a share.

Meanwhile, I suggest you also make preliminary inquiries of a lawyer, on these matters.

From day one, my new boyfriend wanted me to attend his every family event. I feel awkward as I’m not really family but he becomes defensive and angry. I’ve had to give in every time. 

I feel dragged into his family before we got to know each other – more as a prop than a girlfriend.

Usually I’m left alone at these functions while he relaxes. He thinks he treats me as a princess, whereas I feel I’m constantly having to compromise to keep him in a good mood.

- Too Much Family

Unless there’s more time and attention given to responding to your feelings, and to being a couple, you already know enough about this guy to be wary. It’s all about him. Worse, he’s smug about it, and also uses his moodiness to control you. 

Next time you’re at a family function, ask questions; I’m betting you’ll hear that he’s trouble.