My close friend is engaged to a woman who’s nice, but loud, obnoxious, insecure about her intelligence and very controlling of him.
His friends are concerned because she creates instability and drama, always needing attention. She’s irresponsible (has debt, no assets, he has many assets) and is immature (they argue in front of friends).
It’s known that her ambition is to find a man who’ll support her and give her kids. Our friend only says, her issues are “manageable.”
They’ve gone for pre-marital counselling, but her communication skills are still lacking. They’re getting married soon and we don’t know what to say to him. If things go south, she’ll take him to the cleaners.
Can anything be said in this situation to get him to reflect?

- Worried Buddy

You can ask – once – about his feelings regarding his forthcoming marriage. But if you’re direct about your feelings on the matter, you’ll risk losing a friend.
It’s not your job to pronounce judgments or make predictions, especially when he’s not asked for your opinion. Love may be clouding his vision… OR, he may see other qualities and potential in her that you don’t.
Your role is to be supportive, which includes changing your attitude if they turn out to be happy together.

My boyfriend of four months keeps contact with his ex; he lived with her for three years, and still feels attached to her two children, but insists it’s just as a family friend.
Should I insist he drop this connection?

- Unsure

You don’t have insistence rights, and risk losing him if you push.
Ask to meet his ex, and to be included in their friendship.
His continued interest in the children is admirable, but he should make sure he’s not misleading them to think he’s moving back with their mom or acting as a father figure.

Within the first six months of graduating from university, I had an internship that evolved into a job, and I became engaged.
Several months later, I completely crumbled, quit my job and landed in the hospital with a crippling depression. My relationship ended.
Over the years, I’ve never had a job that allowed me to live on my own. Whenever I get close to another relationship, I fall into another depression.
I’ve suffered car accidents that caused permanent injury, gotten fired for something miniscule I still question.
Over the last ten years, I had two open-heart surgeries, thyroid surgery, a hip replacement, and skin cancer operations.
I question whether I “self-sabotage” and fear getting close to anyone, as I’m just going to lose them. I have no friends or support system.
I need help to move forward. A life coach? Counselling?

- Overwhelmed

It’s hard to move forward when you see each illness or accident as a patchwork piece in a blanket of total failure.
While it’s true that your path hasn’t been easy, and you do suffer depressions, you also have the capacity to hold jobs and the will to improve your life.
Entering into a process of ongoing counselling can be a positive, pro-active move, so long as you don’t focus only on past problems.
Instead, you need strategies for handling health difficulties and other setbacks, as challenges rather than defeats. Make sure your find a therapist who’s a good “fit,” who understands and encourages you.
When you and the therapist feel you’re ready to try different approaches, a life coach can be very helpful in setting achievable goals.

How do we approach the noisy strangers who live above us and throw litter off their balcony?
On New Years’ Eve, one peed on the wall (probably drunk) and it trickled down onto our table when my husband was out there. I kept him from reacting, as he was tipsy and I didn’t want any nastiness; we have a young daughter.
Is it a good idea to drop off an anonymous note? What should it say?

Annoyed

Start with a neighbourly introduction, not confrontation. Meet them upfront (anonymous notes arouse anger) and chat politely.
Mention almost jokingly that the floors are thin enough for you to hear them more than they might wish or realize. Do NOT mention the pee – unless there’s a repeat performance.
If so, your landlord, condo board or other housing official needs to post a notice of unacceptable behaviour and its consequences, for all residents.