My wife and I have been apart on and off for a year, and I’m worried about my marriage. She’s been working in Florida while I’ve been living here in Chicago working and dealing with the foreclosure of our home. We were trying to sell it for two years. 

I love my wife and miss her but I’m not so sure how she feels about me anymore. She says that she loves me and misses me but I sense a little hesitation in her words. She’s constantly getting hit on by the guys at her job and I’m afraid that temptation is starting to set in.

This unfortunate financial situation has caused a lot of stress on both of us and kept us apart for too long. I want to just give up on trying to keep us financially afloat and go to Florida to be with her, but then, we’ll lose everything that we still have.

Our kids are grown and in college so they’re no problem for us. We’ve been together for 23 years. I’ve sent flowers and cards so that she knows I’m always thinking of her but I never get anything in return from her.

- Worried

Head south for a visit. Relationships need an unexpected boost of vitality sometimes, especially during times that are otherwise stressful. Let her know that you’re coming, then spend a few days just enjoying each other, without re-hashing your financial pressures or questioning her about her work-mates’ interest. 

Then get back to Chicago and try to clear up your house situation as quickly as possible. Weigh all the options, talk to financial advisers.

Many people are experiencing similar difficulties with foreclosures – in your case with grown children, it may be better to cut your losses and find more affordable housing wherever you and your wife wish to settle.

Place the relationship first and then figure out how you two can manage financially.

While I was living with my husband, he said he was going camping but drove far away to visit a girl he’d met on the Internet. I was crushed and had a breakdown, needing to be hospitalized. He moved in with her a month later. 

Now he wants to meet me and have me sign some papers, but he’s not offering me anything. We’ve been together for 13 years and he says I’m not going to get anything, though I’m living on disability income.

This mess brought up so many past traumas and depression. He hurt me so much, but why do I still miss him?

My two daughters also feel betrayed. I have family here but they’re my worst enemies, so we don’t talk. I feel helpless.

- Broken-hearted

Surprise this jerk and get some legal aid information to back up your refusal to sign anything, until you have a fair agreement on support matters. He’s counting on your feeling so low that you’ll believe whatever he says; he knows your past, yet treated you just as shabbily as others did previously. 

The only reason you miss him is you haven’t had the self-esteem to insist on being treated better, so you don’t know there are far better people out there than this creep!

A local social services agency, or the court system, can connect you with a legal aid representative.

Do NOT meet with your husband until you learn your legal rights, and assure you won’t be left with nothing.

My fiancée and I live in her home; her elderly parents live nearby and often visit, sometimes unexpectedly. They have the code to the garage door opener and come directly into the house without using the doorbell to announce their arrival. 

I spoke to my fiancée about it, but she’s worried about approaching her parents.

Am I wrong for asking them to show common sense/courtesy and ring or knock first?

- Wanting Privacy

It sounds like you’re annoyed with the visits altogether… as too frequent as well as invading privacy. This pattern was likely set before you moved in. 

Your fiancée needs to help her parents see that with both of you living there as a couple, new boundaries need to be set. They should call first to see if a visit is welcome. And they should come to the front door. The garage door code should only be used for emergencies.