I’m 60, male, retired, and married for 39 years to my high-school sweetheart. I recently looked at my old school yearbooks and before I met my wife I was in love with another girl; we split up because I went on to High School and her family moved away.     
      Yet, there she was in the same school photos, two grades below me. Our school was big, still I was devastated and hurt. This has been eating me inside - "what went wrong?” I’ve tried social sites and all avenues to find her, but marriage changes names. I got so depressed it scared me.
      - Driven to Know

This isn’t really about a girl of 16 who’s likely now a grandmother and barely remembers why she didn’t pursue a guy back then. If it were, you’d be curious, not depressed. After all, you married the woman you loved at the time.    
      No, this is about growing older and life’s inevitable disappointments – perhaps over a job, a better house, more kids, whatever. Somehow, this image of a “lost” girlfriend had the impact of being whacked with all the other losses people compile over the years. And it felt scary.      
      You can do better by NOT searching for this woman – it’s insulting to your wife and frustrating for you. Instead, get out your “half-full” glass and add up all the great things life has brought you, starting with every day that you woke up with a working mind and capable body plus choices.     
      You still have years ahead, don’t waste them on silly searches for a past that’s long gone.

I'm in a wonderful relationship with a man who I can see myself with long-term. Our solid relationship includes lots of communication, trust and the ability to make compromises - until it comes to his ex girlfriend. I've never met her but have heard many horror stories about how she acted when they dated.      
      I’m angered by her lack of respect towards our relationship. She thinks it’s acceptable to demand that my boyfriend take her out for dinner and go on coffee dates (without me). She’s even invited him to join her for a concert on Valentines Day.    
      He tells me about her requests because he’s honest. He doesn’t accept her invites. But I feel insulted that she thinks it’s okay to ask. I end up getting angry and then we end up fighting.       
      Am I wrong to be feeling so upset even though he doesn't ever accept? I feel very threatened by her attempts.
      - Fighting Mad

Honest Guy needs to do more than report – he needs to shut her down. And you need to recognize just how much your feeling “insulted, upset, threatened” all play into Jezebel’s hands.    
      She teases, you end up fighting with the guy she’s after. How smart is that?    
      Meanwhile, your boyfriend has all the right values and no backbone to tell this girl he wants no further contact. If he doesn’t, it may not be a part of his character to just drop her.     
      If so – and if you accept this about him - you’re the one who has to drop your reaction. Laugh it off and she won’t get what she wants from either of you.

Dear Readers - Many of you have asked about a column I wrote last Dec. 31, titled, “Ten Resolutions to Thrive (not just Survive).” You can find this column on my website www.ellieadvice.com, click on Archives.

My boyfriend feels that my family isn’t as important as him. I feel like I always need to choose a side in an argument. How can I keep the peace?
      - In the Middle

Do your parents and boyfriend disagree on everything? How much say does your family have in your life with him. OR, how much say does he get to have in how you relate to your parents?    
      Something’s out of whack in one or all of these relationships. And I suspect that your approach to conflicts is similar to the way you’ve posed this question: You leave out the important details, creating misunderstandings between those who care for you.    
      Also, you see yourself as having no choice other than to side with one or the other. Not true. Face the issues, decide your stand and stick with it. Maybe he’s the wrong guy, or maybe you need to grow up.