Why would a woman I like tell me she danced with a hot guy at a club, and ask if she could get an STD from kissing? She's also seeing someone else. Does it mean she's not interested in me? She's said she loves me and doesn't want me to leave her, but it's my choice.
Run. She's NOT interested, just keeping you around till she's secure with someone else. Dump her for your own self-respect.
My daughter, 24, has a son, age four. At her request, I've ceased contacting her. Her father and I divorced several years ago, and she and I have become increasingly estranged.
It's a lose/lose - by contacting her I disrespect her wishes, yet without trying I appear insensitive and uncaring. No other relatives can contact her to see what it would take to salvage our relationship.
I know I'm not alone in this situation. Any suggestions?
So long as you can find out whether your daughter is managing well enough that she's not needing immediate help or intervention, respect her wishes for a while. But do periodically send a written letter saying only that you will always love her, are available whenever she may want to see you, and that you dearly wish to know your grandson and have him grow up knowing that his grandmother loves him.
Her anger about the divorce may lessen over time. Her understanding of what family can provide to the grandchild generation may increase. Hopefully, some day she may realize that the example she's setting by cutting you off is that even mothers are disposable. A child sometimes turns this back on parents, in their future.
I have wonderful friends and family relationships. I give and receive a wide variety of invitations for fun activities.
I only spend time with people I find outstanding. I'm not someone who goes out for coffee with someone who I think is so-so, just to have company.
However, I feel annoyed and disappointed when someone offers me a wishy-washy invitation and then doesn't follow through. Example: A friend I used to see a lot, until she suddenly stopped returning my calls and emails six months ago. Last month she sent a wishy-washy invitation - "we should meet for coffee and catch up sometime." I responded positively.
But now I'm annoyed because she hasn't followed through with an actual invitation and I'm left hanging. I suppose I could've responded with a time and date and changed it into something firm, but I don't want to take on the responsibility of completing what I consider to be an incomplete invitation because I didn't initiate it and I don't see it as being my role.
I take my whole life personally and this is no different.
You've chosen to inflate this matter into a challenge. I understand that you're an analytic person who considers all things seriously and takes them personally, but that may just be what turned this friend away for awhile. Or maybe she herself got distracted with other events or people in her life.
While you don't have to change your whole personality, you could try to adapt better to the reality of other people being busy and sometimes putting out feelers for a get-together, rather than confirmed dates. Yes, you CAN be in most normal friendships, where it's both parties' role to find an agreeable time. If the small stuff that you could've changed remains so annoying, you're setting yourself up for bigger disappointments on the stuff that matters more.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man, 34, who felt he wants more out of life (March 16):
Reader - "I know what he means, I've been there. It seems, suddenly, there's nothing else new for you for the next 20 years. That's when a lot of guys can be seduced by the "exciting" lady at work - such a shame because what the guy has, like you said, is a great life.
"As one suggestion, maybe he should look at a home-based business. There are lots around, some are good and some are less so. Some work on high morals and some operate on the fringes of the law. However, the one that I discovered for me has high family values, team spirit and a way to make additional income (depending upon personal effort).
"The biggest thing that I get from it is a feeling of purpose in my life."
Tip of the day:
When you're treated as second-rate, someone else will always come first.