I’m a well-earning software developer (150K annually). She’s a former teacher, now a housewife (40K annually).

I love her. She loves me. We have two beautiful children, hoping for more.

She’s taking care of the kids, and tutors two days weekly when we have a babysitter.

I wake at night to give the little one the bottle. I play with the kids 6am-7am until my wife wakes up. The older child goes to daycare five days weekly.

Evenings, she bathes them; I’m there for a book and teeth brushing.

I like a clean apartment. I start the dishwasher and washing machine at 7am. I don't mind; it's not hard!

MY ISSUE is with my wife's cleaning habits. Kids often drop food on the floor, but she never cleans it. Dust lives in all corners of our rooms unless I vacuum. She never does it.

If I’m too busy with work to load the dishwasher and washing machine, it’s never done.

And almost never moves the washed laundry to the dryer. When I didn’t do these chores, plates and clothes went unwashed for four days.

She says I shouldn't even comment because she’s the one watching the kids, most of the day.

When they’re in bed, she watches TV rather than ever vacuum or wash the floor.

I do agree that she puts up a full day's work watching the kids, while I’m at work.

Should I just silently do everything she dislikes doing?

What kind of example will this be for the kids?

Unequal at Home

The best family model is one with loving parents who figure how to problem-solve amiably.

Sure, cleanliness matters, especially regarding hygiene and healthy conditions.

But being realistic can bridge this divide.

Problem: You love each other, plan on having more children, your wife’s not attentive to cleaning-up, and it bothers you to do all.

Solution: Hire a once-weekly cleaner (about $125 a day, depending where you live, which apparently you can afford.)

It’ll relieve concern about any serious dirt/dust build-up, and cover a couple of days’ worth of laundry.

Go for what works for you both, rather than keep a balance sheet. You’re both doing good, important work for your family.

During six months of dating, we have an extremely positive and affectionate relationship. He lives three hours away, we both have busy schedules, and the distance makes our limited time together more special.

Recently, I brought him home to meet my family, and was extremely disappointed with their response - he's nice, but you can do better!

True, he’s no typical A-type boyfriend with a big, tall build, but he’s extremely caring with a very kind demeanor.

I'm only 20, so know there are others out there, but should I give-up on him just because my family isn't fully convinced?

Disappointed

It’s an approach some parents misguidedly employ with older children, believing they’re helping you see the bigger picture rather than being straight-up negative.

It still bites like criticism. But don’t let that make you overreact.

Brush it off, and enjoy the relationship. You’re clearly aware that at 20, liking this guy doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s The One. The distance makes it “special,” but also prevents you both from knowing if this will become long-term. Tell your parents to also not overreact. It’s still early days in dating someone you can only see on limited time.

FEEDBACK Regarding a verbally abusive, bullying, controlling husband who fooled therapists (August 3):

Reader – “Mine was similar, plus emotionally unavailable for myself and three children. Two marriage counselors we saw were completely snowed, believing he was the person he portrayed himself to be.

“A third called him out as a passive aggressive blamer, who refused to make cooperative family decisions in order to avoid responsibility.

“His response: It was just her opinion, and he brushed it off.

“It took me 24 years to realize I was a victim. After a year of separation, I emotionally punished myself for failing to fix things and keep my family together.

“The court system often supports these people because they believe their own lies and are so good at them. The victim gets punished again.

“It took me years to leave, for fear of worse harassment if I did, which I’m still experiencing and suffering through now. People need the courage to leave sooner.”