I’ve known this girl for over a year. She was in a relationship with my fraternity brother. Before they became serious, she and I had a weekend together where, unexpectedly, things happened.

When her boyfriend came into the picture, I stayed away, but he stopped speaking to me. Since September, she and I are inseparable again, as best friends.

She’s aware that I want it to be more. She’s said the same.

But now she’s fooling around with some random guy because she doesn't want to ruin what we have.

I’ve never met someone who understands all parts of me so completely.

She’s told me she doesn't think she deserves to be happy. She knows we’d make each other completely happy but for whatever reason, she won't allow it.

Wanting More

Reality check: She’s talking doublespeak. She may be a great friend as an understanding listener, but she also knows how to keep you hopeful while she’s with others.

The “I-don’t-deserve-happiness” line means, “not with you, not now.”

There may be reasons – baggage from the past – or not. Or, she’s just not into romance with you.

Decide if you can handle a close friendship where you’re being kept at arm’s length physically. If not, take some distance.

My boyfriend of four months is in basic training as a Marine, so there’s no phone or personal contact unless through a letter.

He's halfway through and sometimes I can’t remember him - what he smells like, looks like, his laugh. I don't want to forget because I like him a lot.

Everyone’s saying we probably aren't meant to be, and it just makes me mad.

I hate when people say we're too young to know what love is! I'm soon 18 and I just don't believe that.

I need some hope back.

Missing Him

No one knows whether you’re “meant for each other.” Only time will tell. But even at 18, loving and missing someone can feel powerful, especially when there’s forced absence.

Add to that the drama of his being in training for the Marines, and it’s no wonder your emotions are strong.

Four months isn’t a long relationship, so it’s also no surprise that your senses haven’t memorized everything about him.

Meanwhile, he undoubtedly misses you, too. The best ongoing connection is through letters of encouragement and support to him.

My 15-year-old stepson eats, and eats, and never gets full. He can eat ten slices of pizza and want more. I have to serve all his meals; otherwise he’ll take a portion for three people.

If he asks for lunch, I have to serve it or he’ll actually clean out the fridge and eat all the leftovers. What should I do?

Constant Server

Stop serving him; he’s not a child, rather a hungry teenager going through a fairly common pattern for boys.

Unless you suspect a new medical problem (e.g. gaining or losing weight), this is likely matching the energy he puts out just growing and developing.

Set up fridge containers that are “his,” e.g. with sliced meats, cheeses, breads so he can make himself sandwiches. Mark clearly those leftovers that are designated for a next meal for the family, so he knows what NOT to eat.

Buy the economy-size boxes of healthy cereals (easy snack) and insist he shop with you weekly to do heavy lifting.

My own stepson cleared the fridge at that age… I miss him now that he’s an adult on his own.

A couple in their late 60s, married over 50 years, has never gone out without the other, since they met in late adolescence. They’ve successfully raised three offspring, and often babysit their grandchildren.
Even when together, they don't venture around town, beyond attending concerts, a casino, and visits to their children's homes.

He refers to her as "my wife,” even when she's sitting beside him.
It's foreign to me to never go anywhere around town and never go ANYWHERE without the same person always by my side.

Observer

Call it comfort, attachment, commitment, love. But don’t judge. His partner may love being called “my wife.” It’s a bond they made and honoured for far more years than many who need more outside stimulation.

Concerts, casinos, and grandkids can be a full enough life in their 60s. The fact that it’s not to your taste is of no significance. Appreciate them on their own merit.