My husband of five years has an adult son who recently visited with his new girlfriend and her dog. At one point, the dog jumped on our bed and peed.
It was cleaned up by my husband and his son. Next day, the dog did heavier business on our carpet. My step-son cleaned up.
Both times his girlfriend did nothing, showed no interest whether the stains are gone, and didn’t apologize.
We were shocked at her behaviour, and that his son did the cleaning up, walking, and constant care of the dog. He didn’t apologize, either.
I don’t want to raise anything with them and be the one causing “problems.” Still, I don't know what to do about it.
Say nothing about those incidents; the damage is done. However, when your husband talks to his son privately, he should mention that most dog-owners try to assure that their pets are house-trained so they’ll be welcome visitors.
His son may respond that these were accidents because the house was strange to the dog. That’s when his father can gently inquire how come he’s the only one caring for it.
Whatever comes of that conversation, the next time they talk about visiting you, you’ll have to be gracious but firm, that an untrained (or easily nervous) dog must be walked and can’t stay indefinitely inside.
They’ll need a plan – perhaps hiring a dog-sitter while they visit there, maybe assuring there’s somewhere the dog can be contained in your place, etc.
I married a man I loved. But our sex life was very limited, as he worked late, and was never emotionally close to me, making me feel unloved. Sometimes we didn’t have sex for over a month, when I was still in my 20s!
I couldn’t take it, always feeling rejected. I’d stroke him, and he’d just roll over and fall asleep. We divorced and I later married a man who loves me, and shows it, and enjoys sex as an important part of our life.
Your story’s typical of what happens when lack of sex becomes rejection and signals the end of a relationship.
Your ex may have loved you, but he was emotionally closed. He didn’t show love, and he didn’t reveal his feelings.
Too many marriages fall apart this way. In some cases, the rejected partners blame themselves and fall into depression. They stay in their cold relationship, lacking confidence to go on their own, or they leave filled with bitterness.
Lucky you to have found what you needed in a second marriage!
Writer’s Feedback “I’d emailed you regarding my relocating with my fiancé who accepted a job promotion in a different city (June 26th, 2014).
“Apparently, this issue rings a bell with many people who wrote comments.
“Your succinct advice was exactly what I needed to clear my head. I’ve since gotten married and given notice at my job.
“I do find it very fulfilling, but I'd learned while working on my graduate degrees not to let work overwhelm my life.
“I tend to get totally absorbed without taking time for myself (or enjoying time with family and friends, hobbies, etc.).
“Some may say it’s foolish quitting my job “for a man,” but currently in our lives, we feel it’s the right decision.
“One of us would have to sacrifice our specific career move. My husband makes the greater income so it makes financial sense for me to move with him and seek a new job in a new city.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the man looking for ways to meet potential dates (August 19):
Reader – “You suggested that he could get a dog as one of those ways to meet people.
“Getting a dog is a huge decision, requiring a lot of thought, research, awareness of your time to exercise, vet bills, etc.
“I’m involved in dog rescue. We see many dogs returned because it was soon discovered that the owner didn’t have the time, experience, or patience for a dog.
“If a decision is made to get a dog, I urge people to please consider a “rescue dog” to save that dog’s life.
“Don’t support puppy mills where dogs are kept for years in terrible conditions, churning out puppies for sale.
“Thousands of dogs are in need and thousands are being euthanized simply for lack of space. Also, consider fostering a dog through a bona fide organization needing dog foster-parents.”
Tip of the day:
Discuss ahead with visitors how they’ll handle their pets.