I’m thinking of leaving my husband of 11 years; I’m at the end of my tether, we have absolutely no communication between us.  

He doesn’t feel that a counsellor would help us, so that leaves me with no other option. But I’m unsure how to proceed.

- Leaving on a Jet Plane

Your above signature translates to “Escape,” not solution. 

You say nothing of children, home, and whatever lifestyle, friends, etc. that you’ve shared.

Just “leaving on a plane” – sends a harsh message of abandonment that’ll affect everyone involved, including you. That way, the real reasons for the gap between you will go unexplained and unexplored, which does nothing toward helping you (or him) have a better relationship with someone in the future.

Start by going to counselling yourself to probe what went wrong for you in this marriage. Be open to learning how you may’ve also contributed to the breach.

Seek legal advice to learn your rights and responsibilities in a separation and divorce.

Then, alert your husband calmly and firmly about how isolated from him that you feel, and why. Allow him to respond, and suggest couples’ counselling.

Only when you’ve been through this process, can you “jet away” with the confidence that you’ve tried your best… which a marriage deserves.

My boyfriend is too attached to his older sister; their parents died when they were teens, and she helped him a lot. 

But I’m sick of visiting her place every other week. We have to eat early because of her young kids’ schedules, help bathe them and read to them etc.

I’d rather be out at a club having fun for our age group!

- Bored

Sounds like you’re the biggest kid in the household – self-centered and unappreciative of your boyfriend’s most important family tie. 

If you don’t develop some compassion and understanding, I predict you’ll be out clubbing again…on your own.

My extended family has recently come up against a financial issue. They have a daughter who is to start university in the fall, but money is tight. I have the capacity to provide their daughter with a little cash every month when she starts school, and I’d really like to do this for her.  

I’m concerned that I might offend the family, tread on toes. But I’m only thinking about someone starting out in higher education, and I know from personal experience how difficult it can be when tight on cash.

Should I approach the daughter or the parents with the offer of money?

- Cash Cow

Talk to the parents; make your offer a “no-strings” investment in their daughter’s future, rather than a handout, but stress that there’s no deadline nor necessity to pay you back, unless their daughter chooses to in future. 

Explain that you believe education will be crucial to her own financial advancement, and you’re sure that your investment will pay off for her.

Ask the family’s permission to go ahead and suggest a preferred method of handling this, e.g. you could arrange at the bank for an amount to transfer into her account monthly, to cover basic necessities. That way, the girl still has motivation to get a part-time job if desired, but won’t be left broke if she can’t find work or needs to focus only on studies.

The plan also leaves the family provide intact since you are not giving the funds to them, making them feel beholden.

My friend has been off and on with her boyfriend for five years. Every time they get back together, she dumps me, as well as all her other friends. 

I’ve told her how it makes me feel, she says she understands, but does nothing to change. And then, when they break up, she comes back. What should I do?

- Fed Up

Make new friends. While not purposefully dropping this other person, do get busy broadening your network, being open to meeting new friends and arranging get-togethers with people you can count on. 

When your other friend turns up, be pleasant, but do NOT become a listening post for her repeated tales of this yo-yo romance. She hasn’t changed her ways, because you’ve never changed your response.

Time to be less readily available when she pops up out of her relationship; instead, let her be the one fitting into your time schedule.