I’m 40, male, divorcing from my wife of 14 years.  

Last May, I started dating a co-worker, 27; we both expressed love and discussed marriage and children. I introduced her to my two children as a friend. She claimed to love them and couldn’t wait to take them out once my divorce is finalized. I felt reborn.

But, eventually her parents learned we were dating and wanted her to stop because I was going through a divorce with children. They’re Catholic like myself; one from Europe and the other from Mexico.

She didn’t want to leave me; we agreed to date secretly. However, the day after Thanksgiving she ended it.

She claims that her father threatened he’d disown her. But she once confided she’d used her parents to break up with a former boyfriend.

What’s the truth? She doesn’t want any contact at all.

- Terribly Hurt

She may have truly loved you, but hasn’t the maturity or independence to risk her parents’ disapproval. 

“Disown” may mean too much to her, e.g. loss of financial gifts she’s used to, loss of family closeness that’s a major need for her, etc. Also, her father may have painted a tough picture of her future with a man who’s responsible for giving time and financial support to his “other” family.

It adds up to her not having the strength of commitment to sustain the relationship. Though you’re hurt, it’s best to know this now.

Your next partner has to be someone who understands the place of your children and their needs in your life, and is independent and wise enough to accept all that as part of loving you.

My husband of five years has a female friend from before we met. I tried to develop a friendship with her, but she’s younger, and has trouble maintaining relationships with both sexes. 

Two years ago she stopped speaking to me (no known reason). She’ll only call my husband on his cell phone, for their lengthy, quiet conversations. I’ve told him how I feel about her, and that it’s not right for them to “hang out” alone together at her home.

His response was to not mention her name around me.

I asked him to put distance between them for the sake of our marriage. He refuses, saying there’s nothing going on between them.

Last night, he decided at 9 pm that he wanted to pay her a visit, because he hadn’t seen her in a while. Our argument got ugly; he didn’t go.

I feel that if this bothers me this much, he shouldn’t let it become a wedge in our marriage. Am I wrong?

P.S. I don’t believe they’ve been intimate.

- Standoff

Hubby and you should make sure this isn’t the issue that divides you. Since you believe him that it’s platonic, you should relax somewhat on issuing orders about what he can do with an old friend. That gets anyone’s back up. 

Instead, give him one more rational explanation of why it makes you uncomfortable: 1) anyone in a relationship has to watch the optics of hanging out alone with someone else of the opposite sex, in case it misleads that person, or causes nasty gossip. 2) It therefore makes you uncomfortable. Then, back off.

Try not to overreact when you’re aware he’s seeing her, so that he doesn’t feel forced to defend the friendship and his apparently innocent actions. If this itch isn’t scratched so much, it’ll recede.

My daughter, 16, secretly got a tattoo, though 18 is the legal age here to get a tattoo without parental/guardian consent. 

Someone who works for my ex-husband had signed permission. I was livid! What if she’d fallen into a coma due to an infection? I wouldn’t know what was happening. What if she’s contracted hepatitis from the needles?

I’m seriously considering legal action.

- Flabbergasted Parent

Calm yourself so you can handle this best; your sense of panic and doom will only cause your daughter to be more secretive in the future, and to rely on “cool” advisers instead of the Mom she needs to trust most. 

Before threatening lawsuits, be certain about the laws on this matter in your jurisdiction. Most important, research the health risks of getting tattoos in a place that’s possibly not hygienic and discuss these with your daughter, for the future, without terrifying her about what’s already done.