My husband moved out of the family home recently. Our children, ages nine and ten, are handling it quite well.

I've told my son that no matter what happens (we're divorcing), we'll always be a family. My daughter has a learning disability, but hasn't acted any differently. Neither child has asked where he is or when he's coming back.

He's visited - once he sat watching TV with them, the next time he asked if they wanted to go to the movies but they ignored him so he left.

He took them to his parents' place and our daughter cried the whole time asking when he was coming home, but she seemed perfectly happy when she got back, and he left.

He's gone to counselling for his anger issue. I told him he suffers from depression (my mother did) but he said everyone he's talked to about his depression said he should get divorced!

However, he doesn't know how to engage the kids. I'd always planned family events. When I say how to get involved, he shuts down. I still care for him and also don't want the kids to see him fall apart.

Difficult Time

Divorce is a vulnerable time for kids, and for the person who leaves behind their former structure. Your kids may be "okay" on the surface, but internally, they're clinging to security by preferring their own home, and avoiding the changes. So if Dad just sits with them, reads books, brings a movie, that's fine for now.

For outings, be that "family" you promised and go along a few times. It won't confuse them; they can see Daddy's not living with you.

This is one of the biggest life changes you'll all experience, so expect that it takes time. You'd all benefit from you getting separation counselling together, to learn ways to help the kids - and your husband - through this adjustment.

There's this girl in my class with some kind of disorder and a huge, kind personality, but the problem is she's still emotionally in Grade Three while everyone else is nearing high school.

My problem is she really likes hanging around me, but I'm finding it difficult to talk and interact with her when I can barely interact with people in my grade. I'm always in the same class and always paired with her.

I really do try to like her and be nice, but even my friends are starting to make fun of her differences, like her anger issues and personality. How should I handle this person? I don't want to shun her but I don't want to be her friend either.

Awkward

Your question clued me into several things about you: you have a good heart, some insecurity, and are influenced too much about other peoples' prejudices (which you don't really share). All this is natural for a young person, but trying to rise above the lesser traits is far better than giving in to them.

You're not responsible for this girl, so don't have to feel obliged to be with her all the time. You can even privately talk to the school guidance counselor or a trusted teacher about it, and ask not to be paired with her every time.

But, you can also exercise the courage to tell some of your friends that making fun of this girl only shows how immature they are, more than her.

And, you can explain to the girl that you like her, and are fine to be with her sometimes, but you like to sometimes be with other friends.

FEEDBACK With regard to the child who was constantly touching her face (Sept. 7):

Reader - "If it turns out the child is given to twitches, sometimes such people cannot stop. If they could (at any age) they would.

"I know this from decades of trying to understand my own personal struggle. Sometimes, the best that one can do is to mask it temporarily. Other times, it is related to lack of sleep, stress, or simply triggered by certain thoughts.

"It frustrates the parents and they get frustrated with their child. Occasionally, they feel embarrassed. This makes the child feel worse. They should get some medical advice, then show patience, support, and love to the child. It is difficult to do but patience and understanding in these situations is very critical. Happily, in most cases, these various twitches and tics eventually disappear on their own."