I met a girl who was originally from across the country and after 18 months, we got engaged.
When she was offered a job back home, I didn’t want to stand in her way; we decided together that we’d enter into an LDR (long-distance relationship).
Over six months, neither of our needs were being met; we were constantly fighting. We broke up, but recently got back together and both want this relationship to work.
I’m trying to reconnect with her through better communication, to be more open, non-judgmental and uncritical. However, when I mention my needs, she attacks me, saying that I have to grow up emotionally and “be a man.”
She expresses doubts about my ability to change and give her what she needs. She says she’s not a "phone person,” and doesn't like to e-mail.
So, how am I supposed to reconnect with her? I feel that I cannot share anything with her because it’ll become a blow up and eventually she may tell me not to move there to be with her.
You two need to face that, as a couple, you’re not cut out for an “LDR,” and that means a turning point decision must be made.
You’ve expected to eventually move to join her, so, if you still feel you’re a good match and the problem is only about distance, I advise you move sooner rather than later.
However, you also both need to decide if this geographic divide has revealed other serious problems.
She’s behaving harshly and non-supportively; you sound needy.
Get together for a visit of at least two weeks and re-connect romantically. Then, have The Talk to probe whether it’s being apart that’s put you both on edge, or whether you need counselling help to decide if you truly share goals for a future together.
My husband inherited a house; his sister (only other sibling) inherited an equal amount of invested money.
She’s 48, highly educated but has worked as little as possible, as she never required much materially. But as her money has dwindled, she moved into the inherited house with an agreed amount of rent substantially lower than normal.
That was a year ago; not a dime has been paid. The lost income is requiring life changes from me.
I work freelance and am trying to increase my workload, but am also managing my mother’s nursing home care and helping my father, 90, live independently.
With current college expenses and retirement savings needed, I’m willing to get a traditional day job and manage my parents’ care evenings and weekends. But, that makes it easy for my husband to keep enabling his sister to not work.
Having her help with my father isn’t possible - he cannot pay her.
- Need Advice
While your sister-in-law is taking advantage unfairly and the matter must be resolved, there’s more focus from you on resentment, than on logical problem-solving.
It’s likely because your husband is the one not taking enough responsibility to insist on getting rent money. Tell him so. You shouldn’t have to carry the slack for her (and him) and have to work more hours just to sustain her.
Options: 1) Sell the house, since Sis found the means to live without it beforehand, and received an equal inheritance; or 2) Rent out part of the house to a boarder to cover at least the taxes, insurance, and up-keep.
My boyfriend of three years, age 20, recently confided he’s been sexually victimized by his father since he was a small boy. I’ve urged him to seek therapy but he hasn’t.
He has a brother, 11, whom I fear could also be/become a victim. I attended a family gathering and found it difficult to sit near his father and stay quiet.
Is there anything I can do?
He’s close to his mother whom he hasn't told. Should I tell her?
If you or he have evidence the younger brother is being abused, go to the police. Otherwise, this is your boyfriend’s situation and he must deal with it. He needs to talk to a professional, more than confide in you.
Help him start the process, by urging him to call Kids Help Phone (available to youth to age 20) to get referral to a local, affordable therapist who specializes in abuse. See www.kidshelpphone.ca, or call 1-800-668-6868.
Tip of the day:
Long distance relationships can’t survive without communication that’s sensitive to each others’ feelings.