I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two months, and just discovered that he still has an online dating profile that he frequently checks out.

We’ve discussed the exclusivity of our relationship, and as far as I know, he isn't seeing anyone else.

He doesn't know that I know he still has an online dating profile. I'm not sure how to address this with him.

I only discovered it because he checks his email in front of me and I've seen notifications from the site.

I don't want to ruin or hurt our relationship, but I need to raise this because it’s been bothering me. What should I do?

Surprised

Tell him you couldn’t help noticing these dating site messages, as he doesn’t hide them when sitting near you.

Say that you realize from this openness that he isn’t active on the site, but hadn’t yet deleted his profile.

Instead of creating a divide about how bothered you are, you’ll simply be starting the conversation.

You’ve both discussed exclusivity, everything’s great, you’ve cancelled your own former contacts (have you?) and so expect he now will too.

I recently re-connected with a man I grew up with. We "met" again over social media and had two years of casual conversations.

Something clicked last fall and an attraction developed that intensified. We met in person and it continued.

He said he wasn't sure he could be in a relationship (we're both single - he's been married twice and they were bad experiences) and that he thinks he was "meant" to be single.

When I responded that was ok, we could just leave it as is, he said we should see how things play out. The chemistry was mutual, and we have lots in common along with past history.

When he left to go home, he stopped communicating with me. He won't answer emails. It's like I don't exist.

I’ve been fairly persistent because I haven't felt like this in a long time, but rationally I know I should let go.

My friends' believe he got spooked - didn't expect to feel what he was feeling and got scared and hightailed it. We don't live in the same city at the moment, but there’s no reason we couldn't.

I still think there's a lot between us that’s being wasted and I can't get him out of my mind.

Frustrated

Sorry, but it’s clearly what he thinks that’s in control here. Whether spooked or just not willing to commit, hardly matters. He’s gone.

Going after him is a double mistake: 1) It pushes for the very level of responsibility he’s trying to avoid, and 2) It prolongs your emotional attachment to someone who isn’t giving back.

Back off. Move on. IF he ever comes back after you, it has to be with a plan that you can trust.

I’m so mean to my little sister; things come out of my mouth that I don't mean to say. I don't want to have a bad relationship with her because I love her.

Help Me Be Nicer

You reveal a good heart, by recognizing that your behaviour isn’t what you truly want it to be.

You’re obviously young, but once you know something’s wrong, age is no longer an excuse.

You’re probably mean when you’re mad about something else. Or, frustrated from something at school, or with parents.

She’ll be your good friend, if you stop being mean. Tell her when you feel upset. Ask for her help feeling better. You’ll both benefit from sister support.

FEEDBACK Regarding the hurt nephew whose aunt's will included others who hadn't helped her as much:

Reader – “I’ve helped my aging parents far beyond what my sister did, spending more time with them.

“I once thought I "deserved" more in their will.
“When my mother died, my dad reminded me that money didn’t equal love, or appreciation…. his love didn't depend only on how we behaved, he loved us both.

“He said he’d treat us equally in his will.

“He said he wanted us sisters to have a good relationship when he died, and creating jealousy in his will could ruin that.

“His loving discussion reminded me that I gave my assistance out of love, not obligation, and that I didn't expect them to pay for my help.
“I hope the loving nephew who wrote, can see beyond dollars, and understand that his aunt has reasons for how she’s drafted her will.”