We met in a bar, fell into bed that first night, and had a hot romance for the next few months. Then he disappeared. For three years. Now he's back contacting me, saying he's ready to settle down and realizes he loves me. He only has a contract job here, and wants to move in with me. Is he for real, or will he do a runner again?

Uncertain

What's "certain" is so obvious that you already know the answer. Yet you choose to cast about for false hope. You ask your friends, and then ignore their opinions. You question the guy about his intentions and hear what you want to believe. Then you turn the possibilities over and over.... and you've come to me for advice to do what you want.

Post my answer on your phone - he's a User. Of course he wants to move in with you... so he doesn't have to find a place to pay serious rent while he only has a contract job.

He's proven his loyalty/love - and it's still ZERO! A person who disappears without explanation, then pops up when he wants something, cares only for himself (or herself, as women are capable of this too). Don't even meet up with him, until you have the self-esteem to know this guy isn't honest/caring enough for you.

Otherwise, you'll regret whatever happens between you. Again.

My boyfriend has a difficult relationship with his sister, and through his stories I've (probably mistakenly) formed a negative opinion of her. I don't see her much, nor do I know her particularly well, so most of the basis for my opinion is his testimony.

Recently, he said she'd made some rude comments about me to him and his mother, saying that I'm using him for his money. Naturally, I was hurt and internalized this, which I've since realized is the absolute wrong thing to do.

I asked his sister in a non-confrontational way if the comment was true, and she denies it, saying that he probably misinterpreted something she said. She seemed quite confused when I raised it and seemed to genuinely have no idea what I was talking about.

When I raised this to my boyfriend, he got defensive and mad at me for asking her about it. He then backtracked and said he probably misinterpreted what she'd said, even though he's consistently maintained the same story and has insisted on the details.

Now I'm wondering if his problematic relationship with his sister is leading him to exaggerate things that she says and does, when he tells these stories later. What should I do?

Confused

As with many sibling relationships that aren't your own, stand back from this one and recognize (as you've intuited) that there's more to it than you need to know. Moreover, it's largely between them and whatever rivalry or other past history motivates them.

As a girlfriend, you naturally care about how he feels about her, but you don't have to act on or even respond to everything he says. Add the proverbial grain of salt to his opinions. And avoid pursuing the "truth" about his statements, just accept they're likely exaggerations.

Perhaps he's concerned you'll "side" with her on issues (which may be how he perceives their past sibling problems). But mostly, you shouldn't be in that position. You support him as a partner, but you don't have to hold exactly the same attitudes towards his relatives.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who had difficulty breastfeeding due to her condition of Reynaud's Syndrome (March 16):

Reader - "I experienced the same thing as this new mother and was it ever painful! In fact, it was worse than contractions. It literally feels like you're being electrocuted via your nipples.
"I went to my doctor, the public heath nurse for a breast-feeding clinic, and looked everywhere online. I found nothing helpful. No one knew what it was, they just kept saying my child wasn't latching properly and that's why my nipples hurt.

"Then I found the doctor's breastfeeding clinic in which a doctor specializes in breasts and breast feeding. She said it's Reynauds and while nothing is 100 per cent effective in treating it, higher doses of Vitamin B6 might work. And it did work for me, almost instantly. Happy result - the pain gone, a happy baby, and a very happy Mom."