Do you have any advice on seniors’ dating? I'm a widower and going steady with a nice lady.

She wants friendship and nothing more.

We discuss being intimate but she’s not interested, and I would like more in the relationship.

Suggestions Needed

While seniors do have some special circumstances related to age, and personal history, a relationship is a relationship.

You either agree on important matters that define your union, or you don’t.

Since you want intimacy and she does not, you may not continue as a couple.

So don’t be shy about having a fuller discussion about the major divide between you.

If you don’t think companionship is enough for you to date her exclusively, say so. If she’s willing to be open about why she doesn’t want a physical/sexual connection, listen to her reasons.

If either of you can see a possible compromise, or if you like each other enough to get counselling about this, you’d have a chance together.

Otherwise, consider her a nice friend, and keep looking for someone who wants a fuller relationship with you.

I’m concerned about my granddaughter’s health and hope that you and your readers can provide me with some guidance.

She’s a tall pre-teen, overweight as well, to the point of being factually obese. I fear pending type 2 diabetes and its associated health complications into her future.

I’ve expressed my concerns; gently asked key questions, and given what advice I can to her parents. But I fear that my next step may be critical.

While focused on doing what’s right for my grand-daughter, I don’t want to becomepersona non gratato her parents who must also want the best for her.

She receives standard pediatric care, but apparently her physician hasn’t been successful in having her obesity addressed.

Her parents seem unrestrictive in the selection and quantity of food made available to her. She eats large portions, with plenty of sugar and animal fat. She’s not particularly active and her increasing mass will soon make that more difficult.

My husband prefers to think that everything’s okay as long as the kids are happy. He too fears an unpleasant family scene should we push the matter.

I used to work in the health field so continue to be focused on helping my granddaughter avoid a serious health issue.

Worried Grandmother

Your concerns come from real knowledge and experience, not a desire to meddle. The girl’s parents must know this, but likely feel you’re overreacting.

Your own adult child may be the one who brushes off your warnings, to prove they can handle their child themselves.

Yet their laissez-faire approach is harming their daughter socially, by allowing unhealthy nutrition and a lack of activity to make her a likely target for bullying, as well as later health risks.

This is negligence that falls between the cracks - un-punishable, but dangerous for the girl, and for your family relationship.

But a forceful intervention could do more harm to her, emotionally, and also blow your chance for a better role as a loving influence and source of encouragement.

Spend time with her. Do not lecture, rather enjoy her company, compliment her skills and traits, and help her feel good about herself. Introduce grooming suggestions, without focusing on her weight. Anything obvious will cause a backlash; so use your greater wisdom to stay above the parents’ suspicions.

Readers, if you have experience with this situation, send your strategies that worked and I’ll publish them.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman obsessed with her booty call partner (Jan 21):

Reader – “The guy she's hung up on sounds like a jerk. However, I met the man of my dreams who was a booty call.

“Shortly after, he met an old flame and they were together on and off for three years.

“We remained friends. When they periodically broke up, we’d hook up occasionally. We never slept with each other when they were together.

“After their tumultuous relationship ended, we resumed our casual encounters but were drawn closer and closer.

“Ten years later, we're still together and have a baby son.
“While the beginning of our relationship wasn't ideal, I know that if we hadn't gone through all that, we wouldn't have the life we have today.”
Ellie – Yours is the happy exception to the tens of thousands of emails I get from booty call mates who were left behind. Enjoy it.