Comment - The date-rape story after an on-line meeting (June 22) resonated with me. Several years ago, I tried online dating.

I was 55. A man contacted me; we began an online friendship, then phone calls, and an actual meeting.

He was tall, good-looking, and a bit younger than me. I thought I was smart. We met in a public place, friends knew about my date, etc.

Several dates, weeks, and communications later, he wanted to make me dinner. He brought the ingredients so I’d be more comfortable in my own home. I agreed. I thought he was a good guy.

A couple of glasses of wine led to pretty heavy petting that progressed to sex. That’s where things took a turn for the worse.

His idea of sex was brutal; when I told him to stop, because he was hurting me, he just laughed. I was scared and prayed to get through it. I asked him to leave after.

I was stunned in the morning when I saw massive bruises all over my body. I was also too ashamed and embarrassed to tell anyone, and covered my bruises on my arms, breasts, and upper legs.

I know I should have reported him for assault. I feel so guilty when I think of the other women who must’ve met up with this sadist.

I let him know that I was bruised when he contacted me, then I blocked him from contacting me ever again.

Many months later, I tried a different dating site, married last year, and couldn't be happier.

However, I still feel a deep sense of shame; it’s one of the few stories I haven't shared with my new husband.

Bruised and Terrified

The “sadist” knows your address, your email, etc. You can still report him, despite you “consented” to sex…. but not to assault. It’ll be worthwhile just to have his name on police files, since he’s still dangerous to other women.

I'm 22, working full-time. I finished high school and attended college for over two years, but never achieved a diploma due to personal reasons.

I haven’t pursued any post-secondary education because of a "fear factor" about my height (4' 5”). I’m afraid students will see me as a kid; people would beat me up, or worse.

I’ve been negative about myself for ages because I've been treated that way since junior high. I know I should think positively, learn to love myself, but it’s hard.

So I stay home, watch TV, or read, or play on the computer if I 'm feeling down.
I want to continue my education because I want to accomplish something that matters to me. I’d like to have a better career, to travel around the world, etc. How should I deal with this?

Fear Factor

Past experience and self-doubts are overshadowing your current assets – you now possess insight and ambition.

I strongly recommend career counselling and personal therapy. Neither means there’s anything “wrong” with you, and both can be short-term. Career planning is a lot more pro-active and helpful than just vague desire for a job that allows world travel.

You have enough smarts to have gotten where you already are despite some difficulties, plus job experience. Now, focus on where you’re headed, how to get there, get professional guidance, it’ll make your path more direct.

Also, an open discussion with a therapist can boost your self-confidence to hold your head high in any school setting, and help you make friends who’ll be supportive in that environment. Take a few steps forward, and you’ll be on your way.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man undercharged for his purchase and unsure what to do (June 19):

Reader – “I once bought some lovely sale-priced crystal wine glasses. When I went to pay, I realized that the clerk undercharged me by about half.

“When I tried to bring up the price, willing to pay the difference, the clerk said in a very haughty voice, “Well, they are on sale you know!”

“I just let it go, because I didn’t want to get into further discussion with her, and paid the lower price since others were waiting in line.

“Now, I use this as a life lesson; sometimes I’m undercharged, at other times I’m overcharged, and I’m still not willing to get into any discussion. I figure it all works out in the end.

“It’s not that I’m unethical, just not wanting to be given a come-uppance.”