I love my girlfriend of five years; but before I ended up with her, I’d been seeing both men and women.
I’m 38, male and been diagnosed professionally with a gender identity disorder.
Some things are missing with my girlfriend that I got from boyfriends. I’ve come to depend on her for my happiness, which gave me self-assurance and drive for life. But I’d always had both types of relationships at once and don’t feel right in my body now.
I’m thinking long-term marriage with my girlfriend, and kids, but don’t know if I’m making the right move. I feel like if I go one way or the other I’m going to have my heart and soul ripped out.
I don’t want a psychiatrist to help me talk my way out of this, and I don’t want to be sitting on my deathbed angry at people for something I didn’t get.
My girlfriend knows that I’m dealing with this in my heart.

- Crying for Help

It’d be unfair and unwise for you to commit to a long-term relationship with either a woman or man - or to both simultaneously - until you have a full understanding of your disorder. Your girlfriend needs to also have full awareness of what’s involved for the future. Without this, you’re not only leaving yourself confused, you’re opening the door to jealousy, hurts, and anger on the part of any partner, plus yourself.
According to www.webmd.com, resourced through the Cleveland Clinic, this condition commonly leads to feelings of isolation, depression, and anxiety. Experts in the field believe that counselling and a supportive network are the best approaches to treating individuals; plus, couples’ therapy for both partners together.
Seek counselling now. If you decide on going ahead with your girlfriend, bring her into a therapy process with you, so she can make an informed decision, too.

I met a guy from Portugal on the Internet; we talked every night until we became boyfriend and girlfriend, one month before our one-year anniversary. Then we broke up, since he told me he met someone new, but we still talk and exchange emails.
Recently, he said he didn’t want to lose me and still loves me, so he broke up with her and we’re together again.
He says the girl may be pregnant.
What shall I do? I really love him.

- Confused

Two choices: 1) Go to Portugal - meet this guy on his own turf, see how he lives, investigate whether he’s really single, and whether there’s really a pregnant ex-girlfriend who somehow keeps him from a full relationship with you, and also ask, face-to-face, how he thinks you two can pursue this romance into a future life together.
OR, 2) Change your email address.

My single girlfriend is planning to get pregnant through in vitro fertilization (IVF), using a donor whom she knows.
She says he has no desire for involvement as a parent, and that’s her preference.
Should she get him to sign a legal letter stating this?

- Wondering

She needs legal advice, first, to learn whether, in her jurisdiction, someone who signs away parental rights, can change their mind.
She also needs to find out her own rights, as only one half of this conception process.
The clinic where she’s seeking help with IVF, likely provides some guidance and/or counselling on options involved, including the pros and cons of using an unknown donor who’s undergone the appropriate health checks, instead of this guy.

Several months ago, my best friend got a boyfriend. I felt jealous initially, but since I stopped all communications, I felt much more independent.
Before, I’d depended for all my emotions on her. I’ve always been the one who takes charge; but I didn’t bother mending this friendship because I felt I’ve also always been the one who thought the connection was important.
Is there something wrong with me for not mending it, or something wrong with this friendship?

- Distanced

The only clear message is that this was a one-sided relationship: You felt you needed her, so you kept it going. Once you backed away, she’s done nothing to draw you back to the friendship.
Enjoy your independence, now, as you must’ve been ready for it. Friendships between people who can manage on their own, but get together for mutual enjoyment, last a lot longer than those based on neediness.