I love my girlfriend of seven months, but sometimes when I say how I feel about her clothes and her guy friend (whom I haven't met yet) she thinks that I'm jealous and have a trust issue.
She also feels I'm obsessed with her. I'm not. I only tell her these things because I care. She gets annoyed each time saying she wants to be free to do her own will. I'm not preventing her. But being in a "relationship" means being open and communicating freely. We talk about sharing our future.
Open or Not?
Communicating openly doesn't mean irritating a sore point. Whatever your objections to her wardrobe choices (too provocative?) it's time to deal with each other's feelings.
Be honest about what you really mean, as in, if you feel uncomfortable that she looks like she's trying to attract male attention. Even if it IS a jealous reaction, it's easier to discuss if you admit it.
As for her guy friend, ask to meet him, to be friends with him, too. If she refuses, explain that it makes you feel excluded and hurt.
You've been waving the free-speech banner to justify negative comments. But what's needed in relationships is understanding each other's feelings, and willingness to compromise.
My mother gets involved with my relationships by giving her opinion when not asked. Recently she said in front of my boyfriend that I treat him like my own personal slave. Then she wrote me this email: "I'm so bothered by the way you snatched that food away from him...it made him look like a fool. You showed no compassion for him being tired after 12 hours. You treat him like your personal slave."
She didn't know that I'd made him a lunch the night before, got up at 5:30am on my day off to make him breakfast, drove him to work very far with my car and gas when I'm pretty broke, then spent hours making a beautiful meal. I later drove back to get him.
I love him very much; however he came home and started eating the food when it was so hot he couldn't taste it. Finally, I took it away, insisting he wait. I didn't work all day on a nice meal for him not to taste. My mother didn't understand - he and I both knew it was removed in a joking manner. She thought I was being rude when we were being playful.
It bothers me that she has the nerve to say anything when her relationship with my dad is far from perfect. My boyfriend said right back to her, "She treats me really well, actually," but my mother continues to say mean things to me like this.
She has no boundaries and I observe many things in her relationships but I don't say anything unless I'm asked. I don't feel it's her place to criticize how I handle my boyfriend.
Annoyed
It sounds like you're a hard-working, loving couple who need more privacy. Yes, boundaries have to somehow be figured out by both you and your mother, since it seems you're around each other's lives a lot. It's adding to your other stresses and making her comments loom larger.
If there's shared living with your parents, then have couple's discussions in your bedroom, and negotiate some meals by yourselves. When your mother comments on your relationship, change the subject. Say, "That's our personal stuff," and walk away, ignore her and/or delete her emails.
Every month, my girlfriend gets moody, angry, and suspicious. She'll mistrust me if I even talk too long to a saleswoman! We end up having huge fights at these times, then two days later she admits it was all PMS and goes back to being her normal, sweet, self.
She never apologizes; believing all the trouble she causes can be forgiven because of her hormones. Is there nothing she can do to adapt to her own monthly cycle?
Whipping-Boy
Some women suffer severe PMS symptoms, such as the ones you describe; but that doesn't mean they're easy for either of you to accept. She should be talking to her family doctor - and even asking to see a specialist - to explore different treatments to ease her symptoms.
Also, there are steps she can take before the symptoms occur, to try to moderate her reactions (e.g. less salt, less alcohol, more exercise).
Tip of the day:
Communicate through open feelings, not open criticism.