I thought my boyfriend was perfect for me. We both loved the theatre, staying fit, traveling, and we seemed to share the same dreams.

But since moving in together, he's consumed with do-it-yourself projects at home, and then later gets together with his buddies, whom he says he misses. What about me? I miss what we had.

Or should I leave and look for it elsewhere?

Ignored

It's about "change" and some people adjust to it differently from others. He's gone "domestic" on the home front, and then makes up for it in his own mind by seeking out his buddies.

You seem to have thought that a move together would be seamless, with everything staying the same as when you dated. That's not realistic, either.

You both need to sit down together and discuss what living together is all about (something you "coulda'/shoulda'" done beforehand). This means being up front about your hopes for the new lifestyle and your expectations.

After that, it'll be obvious that it also means discussing compromises. E.g. a night out each week for both of you to be with your own pals, and more limited "DIY project" time so there's also planned time for going out, as well as staying home together.

I fell in love for the first time in the summer of 2007, just before starting my online classes to get a degree. Well, the relationship went bust a week before I started classes. She broke up with me, saying she "never loved me."
Having never felt the pain of a loved one hurt me so badly, I fell into a deep depression, and flunked out of my classes after two months.
Despite my pleas to try again, that it was medically related that I didn't attend my classes, the college refused to allow me re-entry, and demanded I pay my $3000 loan in full immediately.
Four years later, I'm still in debt... finding it hard to get a job due to my lack of training, and harder to get anything else due to the huge blow to my credit, which the student loan has dealt me. I'm barely living in a home anymore.
I recently learned that my ex, my first love, has since had 14 other boyfriends since me, proving she wasn't lying when she said she never loved me. She's also going to school to become a nurse, and has a job already. She's apparently living high on the hog.

I'm now filled with resentment and anger that I'm forced to suffer, while the one who hurt me is living it up. I feel I'm being punished for loving someone. It makes me mad at the world.
I need help letting this go, as it nags at me constantly.

Upset

You certainly do need help, as this series of circumstances and disappointments has deepened your initial depression into a fully negative life view.

Fortunately, there are services that are accessible, starting with phoning a local distress centre and talking to a trained person who will direct you to finding accommodation and counseling.

Rejection is a hard blow, but most people experience it several times in their lives, and learn to bounce back. In your case, the wound was bigger, and there seems to have been few supports to help you through. If you do have family and/or friends, I urge you to re-connect with whomever you can, rather than try to handle your feelings on your own.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose husband compared her negatively to his idolized mother (Sept. 30):

Reader - "In a marriage, the partner is number one. Each must respect, and show the respect, to each other. You have said this often, and it is the truth, and the basis of a good healthy marriage.

"The husband is clearly the problem, coupled with the wife's need for his love and approval. She needs counselling, very much."

You've hit on the essence of what I believe. The wife, in this case, isn't going to be able to change or diminish the accomplishments of his mother; in fact she admires her. So, I advised the wife to ignore the comparisons since she herself has done well as a wife and mother, and to react with "strength and confidence in yourself, showing you don't care to compete." I do agree with you that counseling would benefit her.