In my 20's, I lived with my parents in Hong Kong and saved money. I travelled to New York, Toronto, Vancouver, Hawaii, and went to South Africa, too. It's been an important part of my education and growth as a person. But when I married my husband, travel stopped. The reason is, he's afraid.

When he was seven, he was stuck in an elevator for eight hours until rescued. Since then, he can't stand being in a plane or a ship, anywhere he can't leave easily. Even to go for a three-day vacation, he has to take anxiety pills, and remains upset the whole time, about the return trip.

I'm very sad and frustrated that we can't have a vacation together. I'd go with one of my girlfriends, but he gets hurt whenever I suggest it. Should I go without him anyway since it's not my fault he can't come with me?

Frustrated Traveller

Your husband suffers from feelings of claustrophobia due to a very frightening childhood trauma. Show him real empathy - not just urging travel for your own self-interest - by suggesting he see a behaviour modification therapist who can help him get past his fear, for his sake.

Past frights can shadow other, more crucial needs that may occur in his life - e.g. hospitalization for an illness, MRI tests, etc. It's important he learn strategies to overcome his anxiety (which likely include his fears for your safety when you travel).

Meanwhile, try "mini-vacations" locally - a day at the beach, an overnight stay at a hotel, etc. Small escapes together may kick-start a desire to spend more relaxing time with you.

I've been dating a man for over a year. We're both in our 30s, divorced, own our own homes, and have fulltime careers. Neither of us have kids, but both of us know we want them some day.
He's a citizen of this country but not born here. All of his family remains in his home country and he says how lonely it is with no family around. My entire family is all here, and I see them at least once a week.

He's lived here since he was a teen, his work is here, and he's built a comfortable life here. But his family's pushing him to move back home. I understand and wouldn't want to take that opportunity away from him.

I want to build a life with him. However, he isn't ready to make the next step for fear of hurting me if he decides to move back home. I'd consider going with him, but it'd be a very hard life for a woman like me who grew up in North America.

Do I wait and hope that he chooses a life here with me over a life with his family, or do I move on and hope to find someone who truly wants the same things as me?

Wavering

While many people go forward into long-term commitments without realizing or acknowledging the likely deal-breakers that loom ahead in their situation, you already know the most divisive issue that awaits you two.

So confront it. If this is the only thing holding him back, ask to go with him soon to meet his family, and assess for yourself the lifestyle difficulties there.

You'll then know better whether you could handle them. Or, whether there's no point in "waiting" for him to decide on the move, and/or you.

I'm 31, and was married for three years. My wife, several years older, insisted that I hand my full salary to her and she give me an allowance.

I earned very well, while she shopped by day and partied with friends at night. No surprise, we're now divorced. I finally have plenty of money to spend (even after she got more than half) and I'm dating stunning women who all think I'm terrific.

Yet I have this uneasy feeling inside. Did I fail at marriage or was she just the wrong wife?

Troubled

You're no failure, but your dating pattern based on insecurity will leave you disappointed in yourself, again.

If ego boosting were all you need for now, these eye-candy dates would be fine. Just make sure you don't get pulled into a relationship based on your money and generosity. You'll be happier when you believe you can be appreciated for yourself.