When I was nine-years-old, it came out in public that my dad had an affair with a co-worker. My parents went through an ugly divorce after this (much of which I had to witness) and my life was never the same.

My mom sank into a depression, and began dating a man who was all wrong for her. We moved from place to place, often having our utilities shut off for lack of payment, and no money to buy groceries.

My father’s illicit affair destroyed my views on relationships, and at 24, I’m still always paranoid that whomever I’m dating is cheating on me, or will eventually cheat.
It took my siblings and me a long time to forgive my dad, and even then, the other woman was not warmly welcomed into our lives.

I could never imagine being the one to emotionally harm innocent kids, on the excuse that I can't control my hormones and go after a single man, instead of someone who’s already married.

Fallout from Affairs

Thanks for sharing the innocent child’s view, too rarely heard, about what happens when everything changes - sometimes for the extreme worst - because of choices parents make.

Affairs do happen. But adults with children can, and should, take care to handle the situation with honesty and responsibility.

Whether divorced and in a new relationship, it’s still their job to maintain a secure life and lifestyle for their children as well as help them adjust to changes, with counselling if needed.

My friend, a single mom of one child, had an abortion two years ago. She’s still living at home with her parents. Her mom said she wasn't allowed to live there anymore if she had the baby. This was the big push for her to get the abortion.

However, I’d told her she could get special housing and be out of an environment that’s unhealthy for her. Nevertheless, she had the abortion.

I had a baby several months ago after being told I wouldn't be able to, and it’d taken a long time for me to conceive. I also have another child who’s the same age as hers.

Recently, she said that the reason she hasn't visited me is because my baby makes her feel uncomfortable. I'd like to be there for her, but I just can't understand. All babies are making her feel this way.

I gave her abortion hotline numbers but she hasn't called them. She’s getting counselling in the New Year.

She's my best friend and won't even come near my baby that I'm so thankful for. She never listens to me, so I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. I don't want to just go out with her and not include the baby. Sometimes that’s ok, but not always.

Awkward Friendship

You’ve been a good friend, trying to give good advice. But abortion is a very emotional, personal choice, filled with conflicts and pressures in her case. It seems she regrets it, and is embarrassed with you. Or she feels judged, even if mistakenly, since you’re trying to stay friends.

You need to talk to her about this. It may be that, for awhile you stay in touch, but just get together occasionally, without children. It may be – and you need to accept this – that until she has counselling that helps her handle her emotions – that you stay apart for some time.

FEEDBACK Regarding a past column about the writer’s son's betrayal (Oct. 31):

Reader – “Teens affected by separation/divorce often choose to live with the parent with fewer limits.

“I found it devastating as the parent who’d been the primary caregiver. But eventually, if you hang in there, the child realizes what he/she is missing and that boundaries are a sign of love.

“My heart goes out to this mom and while I think your response was right - that she needs to remain non-punitive and loving to her son so that when he’s ready they can re-connect - I think she needs sympathy and encouragement.”

Reader #2 – “If the son’s coming into his mother’s house, where he no longer lives, to remove items for his father, the mom should change her locks. And not just “if he keeps taking things.” Given that he took her car and totaled it, he’s already proven himself untrustworthy.”