My ex-wife was previously married and had a seven-month old daughter when we started an affair. She divorced and I raised the girl her as my own. I love her. But we didn't tell her that I wasn't her real dad.
When we split up, my ex blackmailed me not to tell our daughter. I gave her several expensive pictures and a video camera so she wouldn't tell her either. But four months later I told "our" daughter the truth. She seemed to take it okay. Two months later, my ex also told her.
However, when my son was little, she told me he wasn't mine. I don't know if I should tell him this. I don't want to lose him, he's a momma's boy, and she's caused problems with all my kids.
If I tell him, I'm afraid of what he will do because he has a medical condition. He's now 33, and also had serious emotional problems in the past.
Stupid and Confused
Unless you're certain that you weren't the boy's father, don't raise it. If your ex does so, he may ignore the news, or he may consider DNA testing to be sure. Since he has health issues, he may want to know who his "real" father is. In fact, if it's true, you were both negligent not to probe his genetic history when he first became ill.
Meanwhile, you can't know if your ex was deliberately lying to upset you back then, or if she'll repeat that charge to stir up trouble now.
So if you are certain, tell your son while assuring him that you've always loved him. Then, direct him to get more information from his mother.
I recently developed a rare disorder that has left me with severe neuropathic pain. My hands are in pain so it's difficult to pleasure myself, which sometimes feels necessary as my medication's side effect hinders normal orgasm.
The only way I can successfully orgasm is with my wife's help or to use pornography to get to a very heightened state. My wife, who doesn't want sex more than once a month, doesn't offer me much assistance, she claims she's tired, but also doesn't like the feeling of "servicing" me.
My illness didn't extinguish a very strong sex drive. But with the porn, I know that I'm indulging in unhealthy sexual images. I don't want to be a porn viewer, but cannot have sexual release without it. This was not at all an issue before my illness.
Also, though my wife and I only have sex once a month, we are an affectionate couple. But I've been trying to avoid all sexual stimulation and cuddling drives that up. I don't want to withdraw from intimacy (I love it!), but getting that worked up, only to be ignored is difficult. What should I do?
Talk to your medical specialist and your wife... together, if possible. Consider also getting referral to a sex therapist to discuss this complicated situation as a team.
Having an illness that so specifically affects your sex life in a committed, loving, relationship, puts you in a different category from, say, an addicted porn-viewer who's neglecting his/her partner's sexual needs, or a spouse who's making unreasonable sexual demands.
Love, intimacy, and sexual release all bring positive benefits that can make your disorder far more bearable. You two both need to learn the best ways to maintain these benefits, for the sake of your marriage as well as your health.
I'm a man in my 70s, in good health, married to a woman with an explosive temper, which has made our marriage intolerable. I met this beautiful single woman in her 40s and we hit it off. We weren't having a dating relationship, but I was really enjoying her company.
She left her job suddenly and moved far away without telling me. Considering our age difference, is it futile for me to try to reconnect with her?
Your loneliness is about your marriage more than about this woman. It's unlikely the age difference alone influenced her move. You're a married man who's stayed in an "intolerable" marriage for a long time.
You're looking for temporary escapes, while she's available for meeting male friends who have the potential to become a life partner for her. That's a future she may be wanting now. You need to think about yours.
Tip of the day:
When a family secret (that's true) threatens to explode, speak up first.