My wonderful, loving husband of three years, and I, only have sex once every two-to-three months. He's always exhausted - he takes on more work than any man can handle.    
      Also, he doesn't shower or brush his teeth. When we do have an opportunity to make love, I'm horrified by his lack of hygiene, so it doesn't happen. I've tried to have him take a shower and brush his teeth first, but by then the moment has passed.     
      I have a very high sex drive, but he gets angry when I try to please myself. I'm now desperate and starting to look at other men.
      - Grossed Out

Three years of Stinky Guy and no sex and you’re still there?     
      What’s wrong with this picture? EVERYTHING! He’s not only avoiding sex through workaholism, he’s covering himself in dirt to keep you away. Before you look for trouble by cheating, wouldn’t you like to find out why? Or if he’s really at work?    
      Your waiting until his urge pops up before pushing him towards soap and toothpaste, is also avoidance - by you. Both your behaviours beg the question: Are you two better at being a couple of good friends, but lacking the chemistry to be lovers?       
      Before you take the low road – and get caught – you need marital counselling to find out if there’s any point in staying together, or if you agree on just being roommates, with “other arrangements.”  

Two years ago I discovered my then-husband was fooling around with his so-called friend. We separated; I was awarded sole custody of our boys 16 and 13, and he was awarded once-weekly, 2-hour visits.      
      He’s never visited them and is months behind on child support.     
      Last week, my 16-year-old son was playing that woman’s son’s team in hockey and my ex was their team’s assistant coach and sitting on the bench.       
      Do I have a right to be upset? I don’t want him back, but just wish he’d be more considerate of my boys and their feelings.
      - Very Upset

You have every right and reason to be upset. But there’s no surprise involved, since he’s not a man who’s “considerate” of his sons in any way.      
      Focus on supporting your son’s feelings through this. He’s bound to be hurt and likely embarrassed too.

My son borrowed $20,000 from me towards his house, to be repaid in two weeks ... three years ago. I’ve been making payments to my line of credit ever since.     
      He constantly has excuses; I feel I’m being played for a fool. My ex-husband says he shouldn’t worry about it, I don't need the money. But I’m a senior citizen living alone, working 12-hour days. My son’s dining out and entertaining women three or four nights weekly. How can he do this with a clear conscience?       
      I emailed him asking for 20 postdated cheques for $1,000 each. He won’t find five minutes with me to seek a solution. I don't want to lose him over this, but I also don't want to let it go.
      - Stressed Out

You lost your son to financial irresponsibility long ago – he dines out on credit cards and thinks Mom’s making a deal out of nothing she can’t afford.      
      If you want to stay connected to him in other ways, it may have to be at the cost of that loan. Write him out of your will by $20,000 plus the interest payments and try to put this behind you.

My husband and I ended ALL contact with his family. My mother-in-law was very negative about me and our then-young children, who picked it up. But my husband misses his dad.      
      I suggested taking him for coffee. He said NO! I worry because his dad’s over 70 and I think he needs to have time with him. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me. What would be the best thing to do?
      - Concerned

You’re doing the best thing, by showing compassion and putting yourself in your husband’s shoes. Tell him that the very fact he’s trying to protect you, is already the support you need.      
      Bear in mind that his mother’s also aging and these same feelings can arise, despite her negativity. Also, your now-older children are still getting a message … only this one’s about how you can cut off family. Perhaps everyone’s ready to try a new approach.