I’m a high-income earner resulting from decades of long hours and constant stress.
My plan at 55 had been to enjoy at least ten more years of high earnings with reduced expenses.
However, I’m burnt out.
My wife’s a big spender, she enjoys the good life.
She’s looking forward to years more of high earnings.
She doesn’t want to hear that I’m tired of working.
I want to provide, but the thought of ten more years is exhausting.
I’m becoming very resentful of my wife.
I see her as part of the problem, like I’m obligated to live up to her expectations.
I wish I had higher energy and was more upbeat and excited about this phase of life, but I’m not. Your suggestions?
Step One: See your doctor.
A clean bill of health – the hopeful result - might make you feel more optimistic, no matter what course you choose.
OR, there’s a health reason you’re less energetic, likely one that can be treated and managed.
The sooner you find out, the sooner you’ll be more certain of how to proceed.
Your wife’s expectations are built on the lifestyle you both chose, produced, and enjoyed.
Having earned well for years, you likely have some income-producing investments.
Step Two: Meet with a financial advisor together with your wife.
If, after a health check, you still feel like a break from your current work style, consider ways to afford to chart a new course.
A whole new project or field of work might fire up your enthusiasm. Or studying and proceeding in a creative area such as art, music, or writing might re-charge your energy.
You’d need a new financial plan which keeps you contributing to joint living costs, taken from a percent of your share of any combined savings.
She might eventually have more money than you. But you’d be banking on becoming happier, and possibly more fulfilled.
Also, once you know you can make some changes, deciding which ones together will be easier and more easily accepted.
When my husband and I fight, he’ll attack my family. Yet he has great respect for his family, especially his brother’s wife.
I don’t get along well with her. She’s sometimes sarcastic or rude to me. He defends her when I complain.
Before, I was timid and didn’t confront her rudeness.
Recently, she asked my husband about our adult son’s salary. I spoke up right away.
I told my husband in front of her, not to tell, that it’s impolite to ask.
He told her our son’s salary range.
Later, he raised his voice and said I overreacted and shouldn’t have embarrassed his SIL as she has no bad intentions.
He’d rather please her than see me happy. I think she knows that too.
Your sister-in-law’s rudeness is annoying, but your husband’s defense of her is more so.
His putdowns of your family show a lack of respect in your relationship.
However, this isn’t new.
You need to decide what you want to do about it.
Your SIL is only a symbol of the problem. It’s ongoing, causes fights, and belittles you and people you care about.
To open discussion with him about this divide between you two, I suggest you see a professional therapist on your own.
A process of counselling will help you understand why you accepted his lack of support this long, and also explore ways with the therapist’s guidance to change that negative pattern.
FEEDBACK Regarding the “Mother in Pain” who’s son’s struggling with addiction, debt, and fallout of some life choices (November 30):
Reader – “I’m a retired nurse and volunteer with mental health services in our area. I know from MANY parent support group meetings that there’s compassion and understanding for this woman.
“She isn’t alone.
“The parents who brag about their children are just proud, but they might be embellishing their reality too.
“Outside of these support meetings, a lot of parents keep very private lives and they respect others’ wishes for this too.
“Find your people and walk with others who are going through similar experiences.
“There are hard-won success stories full of small wins, small fall-backs, big triumphs and yes, also some returns to addiction.
“But the families who manage to live well with these issues just keep going. Find ways to be good to yourself while on this journey.”
Tip of the day:
Feeling truly “burnt-out” and ready to drop out, calls for a health check, first.