I've been married for five years, together with my wife for seven, and love her more than anything, but she doesn't give me much affection. When we first met it was always hot and heavy, now it's cold and light. We've made love maybe five times this year !!
I'd never stray but I want more.
She says that she's just not a very affectionate person, but I tell her that since I have to keep doing what I did to get her, she also needs to keep doing what she did for me to chase her.
She doesn't want to hold hands or hug when we walk. I have to kiss her on her time. When we first met we did all these things, but now I'm lost.
What can I do??
Some people do feel the love, but are less affectionate than their partners; nevertheless, it's unfair for one spouse to call all the shots on a couple's sex life.
Unless there's another contributor to her coolness – e.g. over-tired from child-rearing; blocked by deep-rooted inhibitions - this area of living together should be negotiated so that both of you feel mostly satisfied with the arrangement.
Talk to your wife in a non-blaming way, asking if she feels uncomfortable about affection because of something going on that needs discussing, or because of something in her past. Tell her that your feelings of being lost and neglected in this area warrants either both of you, or her alone, talking to a marriage counsellor about it.
Sexual behaviour isn't the main ingredient of a long-term relationship, but when it's unbalanced, it can develop into a deal-breaker due to feelings of isolation and/or indifference.
She needs to think beyond herself and look at the place of affection in the bigger picture of what you two mean to each other.
For the past year my grandson, 11, has been having problems getting a full night's sleep. He goes to bed around 9 p.m. and then wakes up about 1 a.m. crying and wanting to get into bed with anyone - his sister (8), or his parents. His personality is changing from a lovable child to a boy who's obviously having a hard time.
His parents got some professional help yesterday (just the two of them attended the interview), and were told to insist upon the boy staying in his room.
Was this a little harsh in your opinion?
My husband and I spent a weekend babysitting and the same thing happened. Needless to say everyone is upset and tired, being deprived of a full night's sleep.
It's possible this was only the first step in their adviser's plan. However, I'd hope he'd also guide the parents to find out what's troubling the boy that's causing him to be afraid to be alone, and in need of comfort.
Gently suggest to the parents that they look into whether the boy is being bullied at school; whether he's been frightened by something in the media (anything from a very scary movie to a story about increased risk of terrorism or natural disaster).
Talking to the school guidance counsellor and his teachers might provide some information.
Additionally, he should be checked by his family doctor to see if he's developing a health problem. The doctor could also talk to him about the onset of puberty and how that's affecting him.
I've been dating this man for 11 months; we knew each other as teenagers and met up after 25 years. He tells me he loves me daily; we have a deep emotional connection but we've never been intimate in any way.
I want the next level, but sex isn't important to him. I need the intimacy part of a relationship; he says it'll happen in time. We've never even shared a long passionate kiss.
I think he might have another girl or he's gay.
What can I do?
Follow your intuition: he's either involved with another woman, gay, or has sexual/emotional hang-ups he's unwilling to divulge.
Even if he believes that he'll get physical with you in time, he's not given you enough understanding of why he's withholding what's important to you.
He may love you, but he's NOT ready to truly share with you or satisfy you.
Tip of the day:
An imbalance in a couple's sexual needs should be addressed and negotiated, before it puts the whole relationship at risk.