I’m a guy whose friends love the single life; they’re currently on my case because I’m seeing a girl I really like. We met four months ago and connect in great ways. We’re both late-20s, and have both stated we want to just enjoy dating for now. 

Yet my friends are always bugging me to assess her every word to see if she’s really after a commitment. How do I get them to back off?

- Annoyed

This is an example of YOU, speaking up: “Back off. I appreciate your interest, but you’re not losing me so quickly, so stop bugging me about this girl. She’s a lot of fun, so come out with us sometime and give her a chance.”

I’m 31, my husband (common law) is 56; we’ve been together since I met him at 17, when I was pregnant by another man. 

We’ve had financial issues, own no assets, and my child is now 13.

I feel I missed out having more children and getting married, even though I’m otherwise happy.

My partner is content; he’s had two marriages that didn’t work out.

Whenever I raise marriage, he says we can’t think about it until our finances are under control.

I know these May/December relationships rarely work out: What do you see as some of the issues we may be facing in the next few years?

- Wondering

Restlessness. You’ve already got a case of it, and are imagining future troubles… perhaps so you can ponder moving on. However, many May-December unions last, so long as both parties stay content with their arrangement. 

What will determine (your course, is whether you feel limited by your partner’s control or by real obstacles. For example, marriage can be accomplished with a simple, inexpensive ceremony.

So I suspect you’re either daydreaming about unrealistic goals such as a wedding event, OR your guy is insensitive to some of your needs. Start talking straight about why you want to be married instead of common-law.

Decide whether you truly want to raise more children, or just feel constrained that the topic isn’t open to both your opinions.

I left my fiancé for the right reasons - lies, cheating, etc. 

After six months, I recently met a guy at a religious gathering. By the end of the weekend we were holding hands, but when I asked what kind of “relationship” we’d formed, he wasn’t sure what he wanted, and found it too fast.

Is it possible to love another… because I feel the love I once felt for my ex?

We haven’t communicated much since we each went home (long-distance) but I wonder what he’s thinking since I felt such a strong bond. I told him that because I’m finishing college in two years, that I want a relationship to go somewhere if it can.

So what should I do?

- Confused

Rein in your runaway emotions. What you felt was attraction, mixed with the intensity of being at a focused gathering. He was clear that he felt rushed by you, so any further pressure will push him away. 

Let the nice feelings you shared simmer; contact him only after several weeks, saying that you enjoyed his company and hope to get the chance to get to know him better. If he responds, let things develop over time.

You “loved” your ex, only to find he was of poor character; you don’t want to make the mistake of putting premature emotion before good judgment, again.

Among my long-time women friends, one husband is an abusive alcoholic who’s belligerent to his wife and kids and has repeatedly hit on us. We’ve reported his “grabbing,” and she initially gets upset, then ignores it.  

We’ve said we don’t want to be around him, yet she still includes him.

Are we wrong to insist he be excluded? Or do we exclude her?

- Fed Up

Your friend is suffering and relying on her pals’ good will. Show some, as well as ingenuity with the “grabber.” If he’s present sometimes, slap his hand if he touches, and tell him – aloud - to stop it. 

However, since he’s likely more abusive to his wife in private, good friends should be helping her to deal with the situation and to consider her options, rather than worrying about their own social comfort.

Include her in your caring, and let the excluding be up to her.