I’ve been dating a woman for two years – we’re both late-20s; we started dating several months after she ended a five-year relationship. She told me then that she talks to her ex, but not often, and she has no romantic feelings for him. I believed her but still felt uncomfortable that one of the two parties wasn’t willing to let the relationship go. 

Our relationship has been good. We see each other at least three times a week. I feel that she loves me. However, she’s still seeing her ex-boyfriend behind my back (supposedly just as friends).

She admitted she lies to avoid confrontation with me. I suspected she was lying recently, when she said that she was going to dinner with a girlfriend. She confessed he was there.

This guy hasn’t dated since her. I worry that he’s trying to get her back. Should I accept this friendship or walk?

- Torn

“Friendship” means not wanting to interfere with a relationship, and that’s not happening here. Both your girlfriend and your ex are at fault - she for lying, he for knowingly sneaking around with her. 

This has gone on too long. If she’s serious about wanting to keep dating you, she needs to break away from him – a cooling-off period of several months without contact, and when they do get back in touch it should be occasional, with no private dinners or get-togethers to which you’re not invited.

If she won’t agree, she’s letting co-dependence with this guy come between you two, so you’ll have to say so and leave them to it.

I’m a woman, 50, living for six months with a man, 47, whose son, 15, has also moved in with me, and my resentment is growing.  

I work full-time, while my partner will work away from town for five days then be back for several weeks.

When he’s here, there’s a meal ready when I return from work. However, he always burns oil on the stove and the bottom of the pans, and I have to scrub everything on my weekends.

He’ll work in the yard, but leaves tools lying around until I put them away.

As is normal with teens, I’m resenting the lack of privacy, but it seems to come mostly from never having a day off for six months now, as I also have the boy’s mess to clean up on weekends.

Also, there’s the $4000 my partner owes me from his off times.

I don’t want to continue as things are.

- Losing Patience

Speak up before you give up. It’s still early days of living together and you all need to adapt, and establish mutually-agreed house rules, plus a fair budget. 

Example #1: the chef cooks, both of the diners clean up. And the chef can be taught new tricks for sharing a kitchen.

#2: Yard tools get put away by those who use them. Both father and son have to appreciate that the things they use and enjoy in your house are now theirs because you expect them to share the responsibility for them.

#3: Weekend cleanups are a team effort, the teenager included. After a morning’s work, the house should be tidy enough for everyone to have “time off.”

You, too, must accept family life. The two of you need a regular “date night,” you need some time for yourself, but the boy also needs a home where he’s at ease and feels welcome.

I’m engaged to someone I thought was my knight in shining armour, but now, I think I’ve been sadly mistaken. 

Lately, he’s been getting phone numbers from other women and constantly talking to them, sending them pictures of his body and telling them that he’s not currently involved, and doesn’t live with me.

He’s a convincing liar who says he’s not disrespecting me, but the phone bills show phone numbers and text messages from different females.

What do I do?

- Confused

Hand him the phone bills, his belongings, the engagement ring, and show him the door. 

This is no brave and protective knight. He’s a weak man and a liar who’ll give you a lifetime of lonely nights worrying about where he is.

Those phone calls show his need for constant female attention; for now, it’s flirty chat and photos; over time, he’ll want more contact with more women. Dump him.