I’ve secretly dated a man for six months, lying to my family about it. He’s African American and my European family doesn’t condone interracial relationships.
However, I don’t know if I want to continue with the relationship.
We’re very different in our likes, value systems, and thinking. He’s an unambitious personal trainer, happy living in a basement apartment, and renting forever.
He drinks a lot daily, and smokes marijuana daily.
I’m a hard worker always striving for better. He wants us to get a place together.
I moved back with my parents due to debt, and have been working three jobs and living frugally.
I should be debt-free in six months, and have saved for the deposit to purchase a place in another six months.
My boyfriend doesn’t agree with my plan and feels that moving in would be great for us both.
However, I don’t think we would work. I’ve sometimes lied to get out of seeing him.
I feel the relationship is geared only to his benefit.
He doesn’t like meaningful conversation, and hates and avoids stress.
When I’m having issues at work or at home, he cuts me off. I’ve stopped confiding anything to him.
I make more money, but fear his lack of ambition means we’ll have a mediocre life.
He’d previously made more money working security, but has nothing to show for it.
My friends say I should just accept what I get because the pickings are slim now, at age 40.
He’s a nice person who cares and is giving, but I don’t think it’s enough.
You raised the interracial issue and your parents’ prejudices first, but that’s not your problem. Rather, it presents as your intended escape clause.
You two are ill suited for a life together. No love is mentioned, only major disparities in lifestyle, ambition, and communication.
His drinking and pot smoking (and their costs) will create a bigger divide if you live together, especially on uneven salaries.
Your friends are wrong. No one should accept a poor relationship due to “slim pickings.”
You claim the relationship’s one-sided, but continuing to date him is leading him on unfairly.
Tell this “nice, caring” guy that you both should go separate ways.
Age 40 is time for you to believe in yourself, not in your friends’ jaded views.
In a year, I'll be going to college. My plan is to take Police Foundations and then join the Canadian Military. I don't know how to tell my parents this.
They know nothing about my career path. They both have hard-working jobs and keep telling me to get a good job that’s easy and simple, so that I don't suffer like they did working in hard conditions.
My heart wants to help and protect people. That was my dream since I was a little kid.
I'm afraid my parents will be angry with me and not support me with my decision.
Your parents didn’t have the opportunity to choose a desired job; they took what they could get due to their circumstances.
Explain to them that a dream career will feel “easy” for you, no matter the demands.
Tell them that it’s their hard work, for which you thank them, that now makes you feel lucky to follow your heart.
Say that police and military service, which help and protect others, as well as the Canadian view of justice and democracy which they value, is important work for which you hope they’ll be proud of you.
Then stick to your plan.
I’ve been wondering since Christmas about the new office etiquette for gifting between managers and their employees.
Our six-person team, in an office with 3000 employees, contributed what/if we wanted, and my manager received almost $100 for Christmas. Our group received a greeting card in return.
This also happened with last year’s team and manager.
Over the previous 20 years of employment, I’d always received a gift from my boss, and a return gift wasn’t expected.
Even a $5 coffee card would be appreciated, and I’d willingly give a gift to a deserving manager.
Am I missing something?
You’re missing that times have changed. Many companies are still operating in recovery mode. Your managers have reflected that policy these past two years.
Clearly, gifting is now seen as unnecessary.
If, next Christmas, you think a manager is deserving, send a personal or team card of appreciation. It has the most value.
Tip of the day:
No age is the right time to settle for a divisive relationship.