I'm deeply in love with a married woman and have been for many years; our affair has grown to be continuous and is beautiful. Her husband learned of it over a year ago and has been trying to resolve their marriage.
She has taken breaks from our relationship to also try to resolve things, but without success. We're very much in love, and it grows stronger.
Recently, her husband discovered that we're still seeing each other and has set some demands on her, so she's decided to try one more time for her family.
I feel this will fail again and I'll be ready to take her back. Then we can finally move ahead with the love we share. Do you think their marriage has a chance? Am I crazy to think she'll ever leave him?
Love her deeply
You're not crazy, but you ARE willfully blind to the reality she's shown you clearly, twice. Her family and her marriage have a stronger pull on her than your affair. She may find you a better lover/confidante than her husband, but when he exerts pressure about staying together, she complies.
You are her fantasy escape. You may be a perfect fit for her, but only as the partner in an affair. The most likely reason is that, otherwise, she'd have to change too much of her life and hurt too many people (as well as herself, which is what you don't seem to get), if she leaves the marriage.
So long as you're willing to hang around in this dreamy limbo - without moving forward - it's a thrilling romance.
Now ask yourself, how long are you willing to be that "other man" on the sidelines, and nothing more?
I'm an avid gym-go'er, and there's this guy I like, well at least I like to look at him, also at the gym. I haven't talked to him since I first saw him in the winter. I'm somewhat introverted due to a mild speech problem, and I am determined to become more open with people, but when it's with a guy, I just draw a blank.
My friends say to just talk to him, but it's just scary. Instead I've always played coy with guys, but maybe the one I like sees it as a sign I'm not into him, or I have a special someone already.
But, I think he likes me, because he'll sometimes do a weight machine next to me, or I'll catch him looking at me. Maybe it's just coincidence, maybe it's not. I'm nervous that he may have a girlfriend, and that's why I'm so aloof around him.
I'd like a boyfriend to hang out with. I just wish it were easy, like he'd have a sticker on his forehead saying, "attached", or "free."
If it were easy to find a responsive, caring, companionable boyfriend, relationship wouldn't feel special and people would trade partners like baseball cards!
So far, you've got cute guy, mutual eyeballing, and shy female. Now try this: Smile. If he smiles back, say something about the elliptical machine or whatever one of you is working on. It's not hard to find conversation points between gym rats.
BUT, you won't know if he's decent, single, interesting beyond well-cut, so don't get carried away by a few conversations. One of you has to suggest chatting together after your workouts, and it might as well be you. Remember, he doesn't know if you're single, either.
I'm married, and have children, which my single brother longs for; he has tons of friends, which I'd like.
He didn't show up for my son's birthday party. I felt embarrassed and angry. He later apologized, he was sick. I replied he should've phoned but he insists he was too ill. I can't let it go. I always have to explain to my kids why their uncle isn't around.
He was later hospitalized. I was the bigger person and brought my kids to visit. But he's never apologized (sincerely).
Give this ongoing rivalry a rest. Most family members would care more about his health than about who's scoring negative points.
You've been making sure your kids see their uncle through your own judgmental vision. He's not perfect, but you're not compassionate or forgiving. If you want your kids to have an uncle, let them get to know him without your attitude.
Tip of the day:
When a lover chooses his/her family over an illicit affair, reality has trumped fantasy.